new here. is DB even worth it?

[Upwards]

WOW Claire the turn around in you is amazing, you sound like your doing SO well, go you!!! I think there comes a point when we've done a lot of the grieving & it clicks that we are the only ones that can make this situation better and we can't spend the rest of our lives mourning a relationship that's well & truly dead. It's at this point that we can really start to do the work on ourselves without constantly looking over our shoulder to see if our spouse is noticing.

Oh, and I'm also starting to let myself come to terms with the fact that this M is likely to end in divorce.

Accepting the reality is really good, it shows that your now acting more from a logical perspective & not an emotional one. None of us know what will happen in the future, but RIGHT NOW our marriages are over and we have to accept that before we can move forwards.

I'll go to my grave with a clear conscience that I did absolutely everything I could. I'm actually seeing now in him things he complained about in me! ( Anxiety, negativity). He's got his own stuff to work on (and i have no idea if he is or not), but if he doesn't work on those things then he is not someone I should be married to anyway.

Absolutely, you've done all that you could & much more besides!!

Often the WAS will project their own behaviours onto you as they feel guilty & allows them to put the blame on you, looking at themselves & taking responsibility is too much for them!