Crimson.....good WILL come.

[keep_going]

Crimson,

I've been reading along and have not posted because you are getting AMAZING feedback and support from everyone.

I will just add a couple of things:
a) Go back a re-read your last two threads. You may notice two patterns: #1 - you have remained focused (or stuck?) posting about the same things #2 - you keep asking for feedback and advice and everyone has been giving you the same advice, yet you keep asking for more insights, while it seems like you may be ignoring the ones you have been given, which are GOLDEN.

b) stop thinking, posting and talking and TAKE ACTION. Anything, the more you move and do, the less you will focus on the same conversations and thoughts that are keeping you stuck.

c) Regarding the transfers / good-byes with your son. I am in a very similar situation like you and Gaby, with this whole DB happening to us with young kids. The advice I received and what I have read, is to show your S how to act with your example. If you ignore his comments when he says "daddy, don't leave" or "I want you to pick me up" you are sending him a non-verbal message that you cannot handle the situation, which in turn, creates more anxiety for him.

Instead, kneel down, look at him in the eyes, validate and show him a strong confident Crimson.
Let him know that you understand that he will miss you and that you will miss him too. Then look at him in the eyes and give him a great smile and tell him that he will have a great time with Mom and that you will see him soon. Be specific about when you will see him.

It would be ideal if you and your Ex communicated about activities you guys are doing, so you can use that to re-inforce your son. For instance: "S, I know you will miss me, and I will miss you too, but I am so excited for you. You and Mommy will go to X and will see your friends. You will have a blast! And I cannot wait to hear all about it when I see you on Y."

If he cries, re-assure him again, but be confident and firm - " S you will have a great time and you and I will be together again in X days. Time will go by fast." Then tell him you love him, give him a hug and leave.

Short and sweet is the name of the game here. Kids are so, so perceptive, that he senses your anxiety when you drop him off, and your avoidance of the topic and his comments only reinforce it and make him feel like something is wrong or that perhaps he might not see you again.

Crimson - TAKE ACTION. Show your son the strong man we know you are.

d) Have to read about co-dependency? You might find it very helpful.

e) Re-read bug's posts - she is trying to get you to take action.

(((((((((Crimson))))))))