Acceptance...

[Live4myDay]

HI ALL! Well...I got back into the motorcycle classes since I was on stand by. Took the 2 day riders course...and...failed the test. I'm sooo bummed. I totally panicked at the last turn on the last portion of the test. Instructor said I nailed it until I went out of the lines...which was automatic elimination. ARGH! I was so devastated. I was over thinking it completely and knew it! I go back on Friday to retest. It gives me a little more time on the bike for practice.

On another note: I met this really nice guy on ourtime.com. I was being pursued by 3 men from online dating sites. My daughter and I went through them and we both picked this guy. We met at a park and talked and walked for a couple hours. Pretty good feeling about him.

He's a recovering addict ?? he's 6 years out and works with other addicts especially adolecent kids. He's trying to get his degree in counceling. He's super nice to me something I'm not used to I guess. Since he as come out the other side from a 12 step program he's very communicative and understands what I've been through also. He is divorced since 03 with 2 kids about the same age as my kids. Said they divorced because of his addictions. I

I have to wonder does she still love him? He told me she is at the point of forgiving him. He does communicate with her because of his kids. But that its cordial and that he doesn't have feeling for her. They married because he got her pregnant but then he said they tried to make it work several times.

He seems very confident in who he is and where he is in life. Like he sprititually has it together. It seems he's fallen head over heals for me. And is all patient and understanding with me and wants to help me guide me whatever to get me through to the other side. Worries me a bit that he may want to help too much or that I may become dependent on him.

I know we've only seen each other 3 x since last week and text and talk briefly. I'm SCARED...of getting hurt of becoming too involved of relationship !!

I know I went on these sites to date with the purpose of finding a relationship, but yet now here I am and it does click and I like him...BUT...like finding another car or house...what else is out there? Have I looked at all my options? Is he really someone I want to go further with? I already red flagged that he doesn't wear shorts??? Hellow we live in Florida!! I don't want to have to change somebody.

I realize I will never find that perfect someone. I am accepting of that. Am I being too picky? Am I trying to find that someone who is one up on my X? Why am I even feeling that I need to one up him? and then I'm still afraid to LET HIM Go...even though he could care less about me...

Very emotional week since last I wrote. And now I have to focus about graduation and returning home next week too...

Just feeling confused and maybe overthinking...feeling appreciated, but don't trust.