Not sure how I missed your post. Sorry about that.
The boundaries that I have set revolve around everything except finances.
My L has advised me to not change those for the near term
Essentially I set the boundaries as follows:
1) No contact except related to the kids or emergencies. This one can be tough, but as much as I am able, I do not respond to texts unless they have a purpose 2) No physical touch, she used to hug me good bye at first 3) No friendship is or will be possible while there is OM involved 4) No relationship discussions, even if she brings it up 5) And for myself, continue to detach, don't snoop, and minimize mind reading 6) My house is now my house, hers is hers, and I asked her to respect that we now live in two separate homes. I.e. Not coming over when I am out etc
It's tough sometimes, and backsliding does occur. But the biggest thing for me is I have realized that the longer this goes, I am getting stronger, and I can manage on my own. I am becoming less reactive to her actions and more proactive. The ironic part is, I'm probably more of the person she wanted before, just too late.
It's definitely a challenge. This doesn't mean I am rude to her or treat her badly in any way. I just try to acknowledge her complaints when she makes them, and continue to work on changing myself
I realize I needed to be a much better listener when we were M, so when I am afforded the chance, I do listen and validate
What boundaries have you set? I think it's a good question for everyone
