Why did you feel the need to tell her the bag story? How did you expect her to react? How do you think she felt when you told her that? What was your motivation?
There are no tricks or short cuts to changing behavior. You have to really want to change and then constantly keep doing the work. It's all up to you.
I know.. Sometimes I am such a dope!
I think I need to stop talking so much, less talk more action, more improve on me...
These aren't questions to answer to me, they are questions to ask and answer to yourself.
"Sometimes I am such a dope" does not even skim the surface of the amount of introspection required to stop actions or make changes to your personality. Your are going to have to fight at least 27 years, if not 53 years, of doing the same thing.
Stop talking is barely step one. You need to look deep inside yourself at your motivations and feelings.
M:34 XW:34 Together: 10y Living: 9y Married: 7y Son:6 Son:4 Separated: 12/28/13 Piecing: 5/2/14 Separated 2nd: 10/16/14 W filed, but pulled it: 11/5/14 papers served: 1/27/15 D final: 3/6/15
Hi gogofo Your quote "Stop talking is barely step one. You need to look deep inside yourself at your motivations and feelings."
Makes me think..why do I get off on picking fights? Am I self sabotaging, am I trying to distance in a strange way?That is what I am trying to grasp.
The truth is I am confused. Do I wan to loose her ..no...do I have to let her go. Yes..
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
Makes me think..why do I get off on picking fights? Am I self sabotaging, am I trying to distance in a strange way?That is what I am trying to grasp.
Keep on this train of thoughts. It is about you and your feelings, not about your wife.
Why do you want to pick fights? Why would you self sabatoge? Why do you want to distance people? What are you scared of? What are the motivations, fears, insecurities behind these actions?
Keep going deeper. The answers are at the bottom of the well, unfortunately no one knows how deep it is.
M:34 XW:34 Together: 10y Living: 9y Married: 7y Son:6 Son:4 Separated: 12/28/13 Piecing: 5/2/14 Separated 2nd: 10/16/14 W filed, but pulled it: 11/5/14 papers served: 1/27/15 D final: 3/6/15
Makes me think..why do I get off on picking fights? Am I self sabotaging, am I trying to distance in a strange way?That is what I am trying to grasp.
Keep on this train of thoughts. It is about you and your feelings, not about your wife.
Why do you want to pick fights? Why would you self sabatoge? Why do you want to distance people? What are you scared of? What are the motivations, fears, insecurities behind these actions?
Keep going deeper. The answers are at the bottom of the well, unfortunately no one knows how deep it is.
Fear of abandonment/ fear of intimacy circle of these things
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
Whatever you choose to do DO NOT MOVE out of the HOUSE!
Bad enough that you gave her the MBR.
I realized that. I read that on MB too.
I don't want to buy her out either because she will give the money to OM. That's what he wants.
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
I have an issue with the wife prodding me to violate boundaries
Example:
Me: I am so tired Wife: reLly you need to get some rest Me: it's when we are together I relax and get tired Wife...I have that effect on men Me, oh what effect Wife, when I'm done there tired, Me done with...oh, well I haven't known for two months now,
S15: oh would you two plllleeeaaseee Me..what do you mean anyway Wife..Ox, not now..!!.... I DID NOT WANT TO START ANYTHING...
ME. Completely dumbfounded...she dragged me into,it again! ...
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
I did not cross it into,sex I just said I as relaxed around her, she crossed the line..then defended herself...
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
ME. Completely dumbfounded...she dragged me into,it again! ...
I seems to me you were a willing participant. I have yet to see where you take responsibility for your own actions.
What is the specific boundary you set that she violated?
I know that you are not posting every discussion you have with you W, but most of them seem to lead back to sex or physical contact; either with you or the OM.
Was this common previously in your marriage?
M:34 XW:34 Together: 10y Living: 9y Married: 7y Son:6 Son:4 Separated: 12/28/13 Piecing: 5/2/14 Separated 2nd: 10/16/14 W filed, but pulled it: 11/5/14 papers served: 1/27/15 D final: 3/6/15
"Me: it's when we are together I relax and get tired" "ME. Completely dumbfounded...she dragged me into,it again!"
Seriously? YOU were the one who started it with that comment. Stop blaming your W for your actions. You could have just said you were tired and left it at that. YOU were the one who said "when we are together". That's all on you. Learn to take responsibility rather than acting like the victim.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
