I don't know that it's particularly helpful to assume your W has someone in the wings in the absence of any real indication...or that it changes how you should proceed or conduct yourself even if she does.
Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't. Would it be a deal breaker for you? Would it change how you DB?
Someone else with more experience can undoubtably provide better advice on the matter, but I would guess at some point you have to sign the papers just to avoid being seen as obstructive...
H: 43 W: 37 M: 11 years T: 12 years S: 11 D: 8 ILYBINILWY, "I want to move out" and "I want a divorce": 3/23/14 MC started: 9/22/14 Affair and past infidelity discovered: 9/26/14 Piecing: 10/20/14
I don't know that it's particularly helpful to assume your W has someone in the wings in the absence of any real indication...or that it changes how you should proceed or conduct yourself even if she does.
Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't. Would it be a deal breaker for you? Would it change how you DB?
Someone else with more experience can undoubtably provide better advice on the matter, but I would guess at some point you have to sign the papers just to avoid being seen as obstructive...
I don't think she does. She isn't on her phone a lot, she doesn't care if I'm on it.
If she ends up with someone else it would be hard but i don't think it would be a deal breaker for me. I wasn't the first man she loved so i could do it again.
I honestly don't consider the changes I've made as DBing anymore. It comes naturally now so i would keep doing what I'm doing.
Me 38 Her 38 Daughter 7 Married 11 Together 16 BD 3/21/14 Moved out 3/8/15 D final 3/11/15
VFL, Your wife sounds like mine. Her resolve is strong. It's like Republican and Democrats. No matter how much you try to reason with them they will never see your side. IT seems futile. All you can do is to let them have there way.
Wife emotionally checked out 2 years ago ILYBNLWY 2/1/2013 M-48, W-40 D-9 Living together in separation for daughter
Hey VFL, I can sympathize. My W is pressing for D papers to get processed soon as well and there seems to be no other reason besides feeling like it will give her closure. I think you have the right outlook on it though. Its just papers and as long as they don't have anything legally hurtful in them then there is no harm to them. Hang in there!
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
Bunches, you are mind reading. You can't honestly know what she is thinking until she says it.
Back to the point at hand...
VLS... you have to what is right for you. At the end of the day, DBing is about saving you first. If your M comes through intact, that is a bonus.
Work your program. Make the changes. Keep doing them until they become second nature. She just might start to realize that her choice to want out is folly and she would be a fool to leave.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
Well no thinking about it really. I will do it because i don't want her to file contested. I'm afraid that's what will happen if this drags out for a while. How long I'm not sure though. She said this morning "so we're just stuck in limbo right now". I feel like I'm just being selfish at this point.
I think her heart is starting to open up or soften to me though. Even after years of neglect. She's softer, smiling, laughing and seems to enjoy spending time with me. so that makes me feel better. Even if we don't get back together at least i don't feel like she hates me.
Me 38 Her 38 Daughter 7 Married 11 Together 16 BD 3/21/14 Moved out 3/8/15 D final 3/11/15
We'll always be friendly to reach other. Especially around our daughter. She has admitted to me that she needs to divorce from this marriage in order to start over between us. I didn't get it at first so i offered to separate and I'd move out. But now i see her point. Especially after talking to my therapist.
Me 38 Her 38 Daughter 7 Married 11 Together 16 BD 3/21/14 Moved out 3/8/15 D final 3/11/15
You're right. I'm doing the program except i haven't detached. I haven't because the GAL in the LRT was opposite for me. We never spent time together as a couple so i stated d doing that as my 180. The consequence of that is me becoming closer to her so i couldn't detach. Now i need to detach.
Me 38 Her 38 Daughter 7 Married 11 Together 16 BD 3/21/14 Moved out 3/8/15 D final 3/11/15
" I'm doing the program except i haven't detached. I haven't because the GAL in the LRT was opposite for me. We never spent time together as a couple so i stated d doing that as my 180. The consequence of that is me becoming closer to her so i couldn't detach. Now i need to detach."
What you don't understand is that the spending time together as a couple was an issue BEFORE the BD. Now she doesn't want to spend time together with you. In fact, doing so just gets her irritated. There's a difference. That part is important to get in the book.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
