[SemperFi00]

labug, thanks for the thought provoking questions - really appreciate your comments and interest

My viewpoint is a bit different. I don't think living with resentment and anger is the goal but rather to let go of those things if you intend to continue standing. I don't believe we can live a healthy life, emotionally or physically, while holding resentment and/or anger.

Agree w/^^^^^. Doing better the past few days but I think this was one of the things that was bothering me so much last week. I found myself feeling resentful, angry, taken advantage of and didn’t like that. Still don’t quite have a handle on why or what was different though.

For the most part I think the anger remains minimal and the resentment comes up occasionally, typically during times where is seems like she is out “enjoying” herself socially w/o me (especially with folks we used to do things with together) and yet using $$$ that I work hard to provide for the family.

Trying to be as insightful as I can be and I don’t think I had these same feelings prior to B-date but also may have that W wasn’t doing as much then either….. I can remember one weekend where she was going away with friends pre-B where I shared with her that I wished she would plan something for the 2 of us to do together and she interpreted that as me not wanting her to go with friends…

You've been at this a long time now, SF, has she given any indication of her plan? Do the 2 of you talk at all, about anything?

The vast majority of our discussions are logistical in nature – kid schedules, vet appt, what would I like for dinner, any plans for the night/weekend, etc….. Any “real” conversations about politics, life plans, retirement, vacation, interesting articles, things going on in town, etc…. have all stopped.

If I am honest, some of the “real” conversations dwindled as time went on and kids became more active – similar to my previous post about “couple” time…

I have purposely not initiated R talks (180 for me) in quite some time – probably a year or more. And the last one that bubbled out from her my response was something along the lines of being sad that she was so upset/sad and wanting to leave and I understood she needed to make the best decisions for herself – I was not stopping her or standing in her way.

The last time she shared her plan was to file for D after adoption of nephew was finalized. Occasionally she pushes to get that done and sometimes she leaves addresses of house for sale laying around or up on the computer screen.

Tell us more about this [quote]W feels like she has finally “found her voice” and can say how she has been feeling for a long time (not sure if this is script or not).

Something that she said a couple times when she was still attending IC – so probably roughly 1.5 years ago or about ½ through this……

It was shared in the context of she finally realized that for so long she had been trying to please everyone else (me and others) that she had lost herself. Now had her voice back and could say how she was really feeling. Stated that she recognized that this was her issue and not mine (and that I had not done anything to create this) but that she didn’t think she was strong enough to stay in a R with me and not revert back to old behaviors of trying to please.

At the same time she said that she fully recognized that the things she was doing to please were not things that I necessarily asked for, demanded, expected, etc….. They were things that she chose to do but then became resentful of feeling like she had to do them. The one specific example that she came up with was taking and picking up dry cleaning – even while at the same time acknowledging that I often offered because I drive right by it on my way to work.

As I am typing this it seems like such a small example and I can’t help but wonder if the same thing extended to other larger things (i.e. how $$$ spend was prioritized, sex, etc….)???? I still don’t completely get ^^^^^ so any help or an outsider’s perspective would be appreciated……