4th Down And Getting A Little Anxious

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks so much everyone. Such a great group of people on this board. I had a bad case of the sads Mon & Tues and I'm feeling rather kicky today.

H sent a text saying that all he really wanted was one of the 2 dogs and that 3 kids full time, my job, an old house on 3 acres, and 2 dogs were just too much for me,(I'm about to use sarcasm so don't 2x4 me:) so he wanted to take a dog off my hands. Noble of him. Done with the sarcasm...

I've been thinking and I have been pulling h along for years trying to make him happy and better. If only x...If only y....Nope. Shame on me. I also have a tendency to think I am wonder woman and I'm not. I do try to instill in my kids the importance of independence, a strong work ethic, and that there are consequences to our actions. I've been doing a much better job of just being. If I want to read a sleazy celeb gossip site, I read them. When I want to smell the flowers or see if I can decipher a pattern in the clouds, I take a moment to do so. If the socks don't always match (and they don't) out of the dryer, it's all good.

I'm okay. So my family doesn't look exactly the way I wanted it to and that stings. I could have done some things differently. Could have focused on my m more. Could have , would have, should have. I will continue to work on me. Can't fix anyone else and I no longer want to engage in fixing behaviors. I have these 3 amazing kids that make me laugh and sometimes want to pull my hair out. For someone who incredibly nervous about becoming a mother (I was afraid I might not be *good* at this) it's my mostfavorite job ever. Yes, they tell me how to drive and I'm blessed to have them with me. Some people aren't as fortunate.

I know there will be bad days and sad times. I will get exactly where I am supposed to be in time.