I'm glad to hear you are having a better day. In regards to friendship, I don't know if you can "decide" right now what that looks like. My h and always referred to each other as best friends-he even said that on his way out. He wanted to hang out with me, be best friends with me, yada, yada. I did not buy that then because I knew intuitively it just wouldn't work right now. And while I have done a good job with detaching, I could never in a billion years be friends with this man right now. Friendly, yes. For me, a big part of the foundation of friendship is trust. Do you trust your h right now?
Your h is still morphing. He is going further along his journey. I have no idea what will happen, however you may start to see behaviors and actions that make it difficult to be his "friend" right now. People in MLC have a tendency to get worse before they get better. That doesn't mean you are rude or cold, rather pleasant like speaking with a distant business associate. I think you may find as the days continue, it may be difficult to be "friends" with your h as he is not the man you once knew.
In regards to what you miss, it's possible that you miss both. Was your h a cheerleader for you? Did he compliment you frequently? Did he make you feel special? Obviously over such a long period of time, you have "inside" jokes and stories that only you share. Also, the person you experience the birth of a child with is one that cannot be put into words. The loss of those times is sad and hurtful. We all need a cheerleader and it never hurts to be your own cheerleader.
I think in time you will find what works best for you when interacting with your h. And I think you will find, those interactions may evolve over time. However, for now, do what is best for you. It will all come to you. My suggestion is don't "force" friendship. Your situation is still raw and you need to heal. Nothing has to be decided in regards to how you will interact with him over the course of time.
Hang in there:)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
