One other thing. You said your D's are worried about speaking up because W is on the edge of leaving. This implies that they think they have control over this to any degree, and by implication, that they had something to do with causing it in the first place. This is the guilt that has burdened your W all these years and is so devastating to the kids in divorces. If you haven't broken her, they sure haven't, but do they know that?
Just an outsider looking in, but it seems to me that your d's are old and mature enough that talking to them openly to let them know that it won't matter what they say to W's dad if he insults them, W's decision isn't their fault and they won't influence it?
CB
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
