I'm a little concerned/alarmed at the dynamics I'm reading between your exchanges. It is NOT your job to fix HIM, and it's not your job to HEAL him. More importantly, you guys have it precisely BACKWARDS.
Yeah, I am good with a good phrase sometimes, but more important to me in these sitches is to coach people on the overall dynamics, including the POWER dynamic. Your sitch has "reconciliation" written all over it, but you've GOT to turn this power dynamic 180 degrees. Put more simply,
HE SHOULD BE PURSUING YOU, AND TRYING TO HELP HEAL YOU, AND THE DAMAGE HE'S CAUSED YOU AND HIS FAMILY.
Everything else you're doing and saying is great, but this is a biggie. I'll be anxious to hear if others are seeing/hearing the same thing in your exchanges, but that's my take on it at least.
