That is good adviice, but I'm far too mad to that calm.
Sorry, but you have to be that calm.... If you can't, then don't have the conversation.
My IC told me the same thing today. She gave me some good ideas on how to do it. She said have a full on temper tantrum before the call, get some anger energy out. She wants me to write down my points so that I don't get off topic with what I need to say. She said to use I statements not you statements. I really don't think I would tell him I know at all, but he needs to know that the kids know about the divorce. We were going to tell them together when he was ready. I do feel that he he held the power in this whole divorce, I just gave it to him out of fear.
Originally Posted By: MamaB
My oldest also went through his facebook messages and he messaged an old gf telling her that for the last 10 of 16 years were terrible, new to me.
That's part of the script, happened in my situation too. Funny she never mentioned to anyone (including her friends and family) that there any issue. However, that is the narrative they want to create. Unfortunately, there is no way to alter his perception.
The script is frustrating, I feel like I'm crazy and just imagened our life together.
Originally Posted By: MamaB
He is now talking with her too. I wonder if his other gf knows.
Doesn't matter, that is for them to sort out. My IC said this same thing too.
Originally Posted By: MamaB
My D17 did this on her and told me. She also figured out the name of first gf, she works with him.
This is a tougher spot, as kids (yep even at 17) are not stupid, I would try not to throw gas on D17's fire, in fact I would try to extinguish as much as you can. I am not advocating telling D17 your cool with it (and giving H a pass), but she already knows it is hurt/hurting you. Let her come to you with any info, but I would not follow up with questions or searching for other info.
This is the part that I'm trying hard for. I'm trying to be strong and supportive to her and the other two, not show my hurt and incredible disappointment. The two oldest are expressing hurt on my behalf and I keep saying that I am sad, but I will be ok, we will all (Dad too) be ok in some time. This is not how I wanted this to happen at all.
BTW, good move on facilitating IC for her.
M45 H46 M16 yrs D17, D10, D7 DB 1-23-2014 H filed D 2-14-2014
