I'm so shocked and heartbroken , this can't be rea

[rsl1034]

Me- 49 male stunned and lost
W- 47 female ,stunning and my world
Kid - 15 son ,better than anyone could ask for
dated 11 years ,married 18.
Bomb-4-3-2014; we should move on separately.4-18-2014- "I don't want to be married"
Long story short ,she strayed ,confronted her with proof. After denials and lies I got an admission of sorts. Few days later I get the separate ways line. I ask what the plan is/was...There is no plan. I ask is there still contact and will he speak with me. Non answer. Agrees to stay and think it over.Im on eggshells ,twisting in the wind. She may be acting furtive or it might be my suspiciousness. I did the exact wrong things at first. I may have blown it. We have these uncomfortable husband/wife moments and then cold distant moments
She has a great career that requires utmost honor , honesty and integrity. I think her shame humility is what keeps her from wanting to work past this. I love her as much as I ever have and will and have forgiven her ,though she never asked.
I share lots of blame for it ever having gotten this far. I'm lost and a mess.
Anyone please help if there is help or am I a fool?