I'm back for a while

[ClingingToHope]

Journaling:

So one drama is about to come to an end. The XW is due this weekend. I'm reallllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy hoping she has this baby some time in the next eight days. The girls are with her this weekend and I don't want to have to go through the crap of actually taking them to the hospital on my time so they can see a baby born from a different dad. If she doesn't have it this weekend I may just give up the next weekend because it's Mother's Day anyway. It's just one day in the grand scheme of things.

Hammer away. I don't care. It's how I feel.

I keep telling myself that nothing in this journey has been as bad as I imagined it would be and I'm sure this won't be either. I'll get used to it and really it's not going to affect me much. It just means this other family likely will be involved in the big stuff, like graduation and weddings. It just muddies things.

I've had a little peace of mind lately remembering that pretty soon the hard part starts. It's easy to be a boyfriend/girlfriend seeing someone every other week with no ties. And it's exciting to play the expectant mother/father.

Now, there'll be a baby and bills and time pressures and expectations. This is where the rubber hits the road for XW and biker guy. Good luck with that.

So yes. It's been on my mind -- and I try to remember the best revenge is a life well lived.

Good stuff. Today, D15 got her first job. I'm friends with a guy who owns several businesses and got her an "interview" at a miniputt/go kart place. They get like 200 applications a year for about 30 jobs. She was guaranteed a job, but still she was nervous and did her hair. They are going to give her enough hours to keep her occupied, but not too many to get in the way of our two family vacations and her theater stuff.

Next year, if she likes the job and decides to do it again, she'll have to let some of the theater stuff go because she's doing a two-week trip to Europe and we're spending a week in NYC.

I'm torn. I'd like her to have one more summer before working, but she wants to earn money for Europe.

D11 is doing well. School is going fine. Things between us seem to be as good as ever. I think she's playing a bit of a role for me. When she talks to others she's excited to get a new sister. When she talks to me about it she says she's upset because it isn't mine. It's going to take some adjusting. That's a toughy. I don't talk about the other house at all or ask. I treat it as if they are off to college.

D15 and I haven't talked at all about this new sister in months. I just want to sit back and let things develop. They know it stings.

Things with the professor are going well. It was her birthday this Sunday -- which coincidentally was my old anniversary. That's weird isn't it? I had her 12-year-old pick out a keep sake from her house then I had a local artist turn it into a necklace. I had my daughters pick out earrings for her. So everyone had a part.

I had my daughters for her birthday so the five of us went out for brunch.

It was awkward as usual because her 12 year old and D11 aren't exactly friends. They aren't enemies. But her 12-year-old is 12 going on 25. She wants to be an adult. She doesn't like kid things and she's a very quiet only child not used to sharing.

D11 right now wants to be a kid forever and doesn't understand the professors kid at all. Plus, with her ADHD, she's kind of had the run of both houses over the years and is outgoing, a hugger. She struggles with quiet people who don't want to share. The professor's 12-year-old intimidates her.

Still, it was probably as good a meal as the five of us have had together. We're taking a trip in July together to the professor's cottage in Michigan. I guess her 12-year-old is nervous because she took a trip with her dad and his girlfriend a couple of years ago and had to share rooms with the girlfriend's daughter. When that didn't go well the dad and girlfriend started fighting and they cut the trip short.

She's worried that could happen with our trip. I'm not fretting that much because in this case the professor and her daughter will share a room. D15 gets a room and D11 and I will share a room. So everyone has their own space. And there's going to be lots to do for three days. It's right on Lake Michigan. There's a horse farm nearby. A small river to go tubing. Deer in the woods. And we'll have two cars. If we need to split up for a while, we will.

There's no Internet and I think that will be the biggest challenge.

Other things. Nasty weather is cutting into my umpiring money. I've adjusted by putting more time in on rich man's autobiography. I actually have to finish it now that his divorce is completed. I could get an extra $3,000 to $4,000 in the next 10 months so all is good.

I interviewed a guy for it and he got divorced in 2001 and he said, even though I could see the pain when we got into some of the specifics, that he is way happier and that I'll get there. I think so too -- in time. Honestly, the professor is such a better match for me. It's not even close.

Anyway, still plugging along doing work for my sister as well. Honestly, I have a tiring schedule, but I'm making it work. If nothing gets worse I can make it. I can even thrive.

Finally broke down and got myself a DVD player. Mine had been broken for two years and I just didn't see the need to replace it. Now that I have it I dusted off my Body Pump DVDs. Time to get in really good shape again.

That about wraps it up for now.