Man, really appreciate all the comments. Particularly because I'm having a bit of a low moment. When we talked last night, W and I discussed my options for after she moves in with her parents, and it's looking like the most realistic one (due to finances/cost of living) is for me to move a couple of hours away.
W certainly hadn't been prepared for that ("I didn't think you'd go so far away" is what I think she said), and honestly, I never envisioned being so far away from my kids... I just don't know how else to work it. I live in literally one of the most expensive regions in the country, and was only able to do so because I had a team mate. If my partner goes, I haven't been able to figure out a way to stay close by...not yet anyway.
So anyway, thinking about the kids has gotten me in kind of a low place...and has got me thinking about a lot of stuff that I've previously been able to stop myself from dwelling on.
Thinking about how one of my favorite memories of our marriage/friendship was created in the past week, post-bomb drop...
And thinking about how W's parents went through a pretty bad time when she was a kid (her mom cheated on her dad for a long time) but they pulled through and have been married for 30+ years. I catch myself wanting to ask W if she thinks she and her siblings would be better off/happier if her parents had divorced...
Mainly though, I think about missing my best friend, because that's what W undoubtably still is. And W says she feels the same way, but that she's just never going to be happy in this marriage. She's convinced of it. I don't know if she discussed moving out/telling the kids in her IC session today or not, but I hope we have enough time left in this house together for her resolve to waiver... Obviously W is in a different head space (obviously!) than I am because I can't imagine voluntarily putting an end to the way things have been for the past month. She agrees that we've been having such a great time together...that things have been the way they should have been all along. Can't imagine trying to cut losses and preemptively put an end to things, but W says that's where she is right now.
So... have to keep doing what I'm doing...but gotta get better at the detachment too.
H: 43 W: 37 M: 11 years T: 12 years S: 11 D: 8 ILYBINILWY, "I want to move out" and "I want a divorce": 3/23/14 MC started: 9/22/14 Affair and past infidelity discovered: 9/26/14 Piecing: 10/20/14
