She left - 4

[gogofo]

I have been thinking about my actions and feelings with regards to the email and I realized it is a 180 for me. In the past I would probably relied on my W to decide what to do or at least dictate the evening. My thoughts and feelings on this in the past was that if I didn't have a strong conviction or opinion about what we should do, then I would agree to whatever others wanted to do.

I took this as being gracious and me taking other's opinions into account. Now I see how my actions could show that of not caring and relying on others to plan things and me talking others for granted. I know the W said that when she stopped trying I did not notice or try myself. I think I have a greater understanding of what she meant by this now.

I have been more motivated to plan more things ahead of time. I want to take the kids to the zoo and aquarium over memorial day weekend. I want to invite the W, obviously because I want her there, but also because we used to share this trip together as a family. It would feel weird if she was not there, but then again we are a separated family right now.

I have read in other threads that this really isn't pursuing because the W is being invited. Does this seem correct? Am I not giving my W enough space? I know one of the reasons I would want her to be there is that in my mind it would be another positive step towards reconciliation.