Wow. I'm totally blown away. I'm so very sorry to hear of your history and of the childhood wounds denied. I'm not sure if you've mentioned this aspect of what it was like for you to be a member of your family before, but I've not seen you mention it.
Have you looked at how the dysfunction has affected your ability for intimacy? Have you ever tried any 12-step programs, for addicts or co-dependents? Have you ever thought that your wife might be a sexual anorexic, which is a type of sexual addiction? Melody Beattie's work on codependency might be helpful.
Thanks for your openness. It helped me remember my compassion.
