One year in but a newbie

[Lifes Twists]

I need advice.

Tonight I was talking to my middle daughter who was in tears. Her mother took off again on a date and did not even mention it to the girls before she abrubtly left. Just before she left she showed the email I had sent her to my middle daughter looking for validation that I was ridiculous.Unfortunately my daughter told her that she agreed with what I had written which caused my wife to angrily snap at my daughter. I have seen my wife snap quite nastily at my daughter a lot lately, which she never used to do. My daughter told me that she has had to be the parent down there this past month and she feels like she is missing out on teenage life because of her mother. She feels that my wife has been leaving my youngest home alone a lot at night. My daughter told me that she has been talking to her counselor about her mother and her counselor has encourage her to talk to her mother. I told my daughter that if she felt uncomfortable that I was willing to sit there in the background just for support and not to say anything. My daughter has told me that she also has been avoiding going home as much as she can. I told my two younger daughters that if it got uncomfortable for them that they were always welcome to move in with me.

I am considering a second email to my wife. I don't know if it will do any good.

How should I handle this type of situation?

Is this typical for a mother to alienate and pull away from her kids like this?

How can I get through to my wife about how she is throwing away her relationship with her daughters?

Help!!!!

[Lifes Twists]

So my wife emailed me this morning that she wants to proceed with the divorce. In Connecticut you can do a do it yourself divorce. this is the route she wants to follow since she has no money for a lawyer. Unfortunately she has visions of alimony. She wants me to provide car insurance for her and the kids as alimony. The problem is I would have to take out policy for her and the kids and an additional policy for me and the kids since I own the car the kids are driving. She has to have a policy since we will be divorced and the kids are living with her. So it would be double or almost $800 per month. I did the calculations based on what the lawyers had done previously for alimony and she would be getting $175.00 per month.She also has incurred a great deal of debt up to about $45000.00 since we separated. Financially I will be better off to go through with the divorce at this point. I will spell it all out to her. I will tell her its not personal, just business at this point. I believe cutting her loose at this point is probably the best thing for her and me. She will be in a world of hurt financially. I may have to have the kids move in with me if that happens. I expect we can probably file next week and see if we can get everything done in 3 to 4 months. At that point I will only be talking child support for 1 as my middle daughter will be 18 and out of school. Maybe this will be the start of the wake up my wife needs if she hits financial rock bottom.

[Lifes Twists]

So my middle daughter came over after school today to talk. I discussed with her a bit what was going on. She indicated that there are a lot of issues at the apartment. She said the boyfriend is demanding she get the divorce because he believes it will limit my access to the kids and such. she says he is causing her mother to cry a lot. My daughter also said that her mother is drinking excessively and not able to remember conversations they have and is getting angry at the girls when she demands they never had a discussion. My daughters boyfriend asked her is she realizes how much her mother is drinking. She told me she now understands why I was trying to get wife to stop last winter before the BD. The big problem is my wife is mixing alcohol with anti depressants. My daughter said she was talking to her boyfriend and told him she did not know what to do. My daughters boyfriend told her to give it a week and if it did not improve that she should move in with me. If she comes my youngest will probably come too. This would leave my college age daughter down there this summer. My middle daughter feels her older sister does not realize how bad it has become, but will learn shortly after she gets there.

So, I expect things will get real rocky for a bit. Maybe this will cause my wife to wake up a bit and get the help she needs. Maybe not. But I am going forward with my life and hopefully will be able to get my children out of this situation that is not healthy for them right now.

[Lifes Twists]

Well my wife and I met tonight to discuss proceeding with the divorce. The conversation turned towards our daughters. I never saw any parent, especially a mother, express such anger and resentment towards their children. After listening to her vent such venom towards the girls I need to work on getting them out of there to prevent emotional abuse from happening. She is so angry at them for allowing me back into their lives that I worry that it could get physical. I am taking my middle daughter out tomorrow night to get her shorts for work. I will talk with her then and explain that I think her mother needs a break from them right now and it would be good if they moved in with me. I hope they will listen to reason. I also plan to contact daughters counselor to discuss this and see what help she can give me.

I was surprised that my wife basically agreed to everything in regards to an agreement. If it goes as agreed I won't really be hurt as most fathers tend to be after a divorce. She agreed that who ever the girls live with will get the support payment, so if the kids are living with me I will not be giving her very much. She agreed to only a token alimony payment for 5 years. She was almost prepared to just sign the house over to me and walk away from any proceeds from it after it is sold. I am totally floored by how out of touch a MLC can cause a person to be. I am trying to get her to understand that if she works with me to finish the house then a 50/50 split is agreeable. To walk away from that is to throw away $50k to $75k on her part. I hope she considers this and does the 50/50 route and not be totally foolish.

[Lifes Twists]

My wife tried to kill herself last night.

Well it has been a crazy night. My wife went home after we talked about the divorce and she blew up about the kids. She talked to her boy friend about 7:40 pm. She then answered a few question my daughter had about the cookies she was baking. She sneaked some valium and prozac into her pocket, put on her coat and told daughter that she was going on a walk. She obtained some alcohol. went to a school yard and consumed it all. Daughter got worried after an hour, got a lot of bad advice and finally went against the advice and called me. I went to apartment tried contacting wife on cell phone along with daughter trying. I finally called the police after about 5 minutes. They used tracking dog and cell phone pings and found her at about midnight barely alive.

I guess I have the most extreme case of MLC and have today to start trying to put things back together and trying to help my kids try and understand what happened. Barely holding head up at this point,

[artsy]

How horrible. I have no advice, but I wanted to let you know I will pray on this, and to bump your thread to the top so others with advice or support may chime in. I am keeping your family in my prayers.

[MamaB]

I'm very sorry for you, your daughters, and your wife. I hope that the bright side (bad term) is that your D's will be with you and in a stable home, and your W will get the help she needs. I hope this is her bottom so she can rise up. I add my praters for your family.

[Lifes Twists]

Thanks for the kind words and prayers. I met with the emergency room psychiatrist this morning before and after he talked to her. She indicated that she wants to die. She asked if she had not been found would she have succeeded. She then informed him that everyone has turned against her. That i am a psychopath and lots of other things. Then she brought up that she has a lot to do for the commencement at her college and needs to get to work.

They are going to admit her. DCF is going to be notified and he felt based on his interview of me and what he will say in the report that I will get custody of the children.

I am praying that this is rock bottom and that she now gets the help she desperately needs.

[Bunches]

LT, I'm so sorry to hear this. I will pray for your W and family. I'm not sure what to say or suggest if anything. Are you thinking of bringing the kids to stay with you at this point? Will your W have to attend some kind of counseling for the attempt or be in some kind of care?

[Lifes Twists]

Hi Bunches,

Thanks for the prayers.

Most likely the kids will be with me. The situation has to be reported the state and they will probably do an investigation and make determinations and or recommendations to he court. The hospital is going to be sending her to a psychiatric facility. They said she will probably be under long term supervision and care at this point.I don't even know if she will be released soon or to whom. I will meet with them as they request it. Right now she does not want to see anyone and stated that I was a psychopath. I don't know where things will lead. I pray she gets the help she needs and that this will be a new beginning for her to recover. I don't know about us at this point. She needs to get well and if that means us going our separate ways then so be it.