Changing Times

[woundedfool]

That is good adviice, but I'm far too mad to that calm.

Sorry, but you have to be that calm.... If you can't, then don't have the conversation.

My oldest also went through his facebook messages and he messaged an old gf telling her that for the last 10 of 16 years were terrible, news to me.

That's part of the script, happened in my situation too. Funny she never mentioned to anyone (including her friends and family) that there any issue. However, that is the narrative they want to create. Unfortunately, there is no way to alter his perception.

He is now talking with her too. I wonder if his other gf knows.

Doesn't matter, that is for them to sort out.

My D17 did this on her and told me. She also figured out the name of first gf, she works with him.

This is a tougher spot, as kids (yep even at 17) are not stupid, I would try not to throw gas on D17's fire, in fact I would try to extinguish as much as you can. I am not advocating telling D17 your cool with it (and giving H a pass), but she already knows it is hurt/hurting you. Let her come to you with any info, but I would not follow up with questions or searching for other info.

BTW, good move on facilitating IC for her.