He is talking to another lawyer this week (he didn't want to go with the distant friend). I know he wants to be friends and to be able to move past this soon.
I have been crying a lot today. I have been sad a lot today. I think too much and I look too far into the future.....which is causing a lot of my problems, I know.
He is talking to her a lot more now. 5-6 hours a night. He is planning out the terms of the divorce and getting ready to file. He has a job interview next Wed and he will more than likely get it since it is with his sister in law. He is already planning on his health insurance since once we are divorced he will have to leave mine.
This is real.
I just need to figure out how to come to acceptance in my life. Let him go on his journey and find happiness here in myself. I love him. I miss him. I want my kids to have their dad. I don't want different man to raise them. I don't want step kids. I don't want them to have a step mother. I hate my life and I hate my situation and I hate being sad and lonely. I hate missing him and I hate loving him. I hate everything about this.
My heart of full of sadness and hurt and pain. Even my moments of happiness are filled with regret because he's not here for them. I married for life. I married for better AND for worse. I married until death. Not until something better came along.
He has been in my life since 1999.... 15 years I have wanted him. I have always wanted him.
Me: 33 / H: 36 M: 10y / T: 14y 3 kids BD: 2/22/14 Live in separation 3/8/14 H consult lawyer, says filing asap 4/24/14 H moved out 4/25/14 2nd time around. 1st separation 4y ago lasted a month
