She left - 4

[gogofo]

I just sent my W the first direct communication, from me, since BD.

It was about our oldest son's preschool graduation ceremony. I told her that it would be nice to go for ice cream after and that it would also be nice if we sat together. I also inquired about what her dinner plans were as I know it would be hard to get the kids at 5:00, clean them up, and feed them all before 6:30. I told her to think about it and I would call her tonight to discuss.

This is the first time I have sent an email or even communicated directly like this with her about something that I want. I figured it was time and that with it being for the graduation of our son it was more about that than me wanting to be with her or forcing an encounter between us. I am giving her notice about how I feel about the graduation so she can think about it herself and we can discuss.

If she feels the need to not want us to sit together, I will be sad but understand that she is not at that point yet. If she does not want to go for ice cream I will understand and know that she will be missing out on a nice treat that I will enjoy with both kids. If she does not want to do dinner before - again I will understand. I will be a little bummed if she does not want to do any of these things, but not devastated and it will not ruin the evening for me. The evening is about our son and that is how I laid it out. If she wants to do these things together, all the better.

There is almost going to be a guaranteed awkwardness as my parents and grandparents will be there and I assume at least her parents will be there too. I have no problem with this and we cannot forever hide all the realities of our situation. I know I am going to act as if, but don't know how anyone else will act.

My mother asked "what shall we do?" and I just simply replied "the same thing you would have done if we were doing great." In other words, act as if.

I am excited for the graduation but know I will be very emotional about it. When we got the invitations I started to cry, even thinking about it gets me weepy. Mostly because I am overwhelmed at how fast he has grown up, excited and sad he is going to kindergarten, and sad that his mom and dad are not in the best of place right now. I know I will shed tears tomorrow during the ceremony, but will do it proudly!

Earlier in the separation I would not have expressed what I wanted so freely. I would have been scared to overwhelm her and I don't think we were at a place for us to even be next to each other out in public. It was easy to write the email though because I want to make it a super fun night for our son and I think it is important that his mom, dad, and other brother are there together.

Don't really think this is pursuing or goes against any of Sandi's rules or DBing techniques. I have thought a lot about what I wanted for his graduation evening and feel good about how I approached it and what I said.