Crimson....waiting for goodness to happen.

[25yearsmlc]

I agree with most of this...maybe all of it. But I still want to toss out a few other ideas...just for you to ponder. Not "do" anything, necessarily.

[quote]Truthfully, I think for the first time I am actually saying more with silence and detachment than anything else.

That is sooooo true!

I would like to comment on what you said about maybe not being warm/friendly enough during exchange. First of all, give yourself a little break sometimes. Like you said.......you are making statements in a way you've never tried.

This^^ is absolutely true.


I wonder if some LBS's may over-kill with this one.......of showing a positive/happy/upbeat person whenever around their WAS....turned XS.. I mean she just kicked you in your b@lls and you're going to start wagging your tail and trying to lick her face whenever you see her? IMO, there may be times that showing all happy/bouncy seems almost inappropriate and hinges on being goofy. One of those times could be when you are seriously stepping away and want her to get the message that you are done with her game playing and your a$$ kissing.

I agree with ^^ this in theory, but am not sure your xw thinks she kicked you in the ba11s. I suspect she believes she told you "the truth". And she'll react to your reaction...however she reacts...but it really is YOU who must judge YOU. As long as you are honest with yourself, and you usually are, that will suffice I"m sure.

Indeed, it must suffice.


I believe some D couples need to go through a period of true non-contacting separation before they can learn how to adjust and think of each other as friendly acquaintances. Especially for the S who was trying to save the M. I have heard some people claim how they are best friends with their XS, and that may be true.......but I have never seen it get to the place where the couple and their new spouses hung out together. Once there is another party involved, I think at best, you can have a friendly co-parenting R with your XS. But that's just me.


It's also what I think. But I have seen from my brother's divorces/remarriages, that they usually get along with the new OM, and that they then are seen differently by the OM and in time....the former spouse views the ex with new eyes.

I have seen regret from the WAS more than once. Twice I've seen remarriages to the former spouses. Usually too much water seems to have gone under the bridge. Then again, our society does not focus nearly enough on HOW to forgive...that is a real disability for many.

Also, if her new man gets along with her former h, how bad can the ex be? Of course this presupposes the new guy is a decent fellow. (Otherwise, he makes you look even better).

There are no rules about being all roses and sunshine to anyone who has D you, or anyone you don't want to be around. The way I see it, showing the happy face to the WAS had more to do with 180's and saving the MR. So give yourself a little slack. You are allowed to do whatever you feel like doing. After all, there should be some quirks to being D.

I think the perks are that you don't have to keep trying to please her or change her mind about you. And you can date and meet an OW who "gets" you.

Crimson, I didn't know you had written to her and said whatever you said to her. I assume you have told her things such as, "I LOVE YOU AND SON" and "Money is to an issue", etc...

If you have said what needed to be said, then please, at least for now, go in peace.