too little, too late

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Re: too little, too late Underdog #2449092 04/29/14 04:36 PM
Joined: Feb 2014 Posts: 543 L lost18 OP Member
OP lost18 Member L Joined: Feb 2014 Posts: 543	Thanks for your post Betsey! Quote: I recognize some of the issues you have had since you started posting. Can I ask if you're working on them? The big one is that your H sees you as negative. You mentioned a situation that your C said was realistic. But I'm going to ask you to dig a little deeper. Personally, I don't see it as "negative" but if you put on his glasses for a minute, I can see why he'd say that. This is hard for me, although I know there are times when I'm negative, I don't see myself as a negative person. Although I definitely feel I used to be. In regard to that situation, after looking it from his POV (w/help from my sister) I do see why he viewed me as negative. And he was excited about getting some new toys and once I questioned it he felt like I was shooting him down and therefore reacted. Quote: So... while he thinks you're negative and you think you're cautious and frugal, how about we meet somewhere in the middle? Would it be safe to say that you're cautious when the idea isn't yours or that you haven't had time to buy in 100%? Could it be possible that you feel him wanting to spend money on things that are important to him as not your priority? I'm going to have to work on this, although he pretty much spends money on whatever he wants, whenever he wants to. I know it can also pertain to things other than spending $$. As far as making him feel like an equal in the R, I'm not sure. I feel like he has been in control and I've taken the backseat in many issues. But I guess I'm really going to have to think harder on this issue. Quote: I'm jumping back a few weeks to the incident of a sprained ankle. Would you have let him know if he were still living with you? Well, then, I would encourage you to tell him things that matter to him as a parent. Yes, I would have let him know, but only because we talked everyday. Not sure I would have gone out of my way unless it was serious. These questions regarding the kids are the hardest for me because I'm always questioning my reasoning behind it. I have to make sure I'm doing what is in their best interest and nothing more. Quote: And I also saw that you posed a question in your first thread that you never answered. It piqued my interest because my sister asked me the very same question when my now XH moved out: "are you pissed because he pulled the trigger first?" I don't remember posing this question but after thinking about it, I don't think so. I'm pissed because of the way he did it. I'm pissed because I don't think we tried to make our M work. I was never going to "pull the trigger," I still feel love and feel like we have something to fight for, I'm pissed he doesn't think it's worth a fight. You have given me a lot to think about for sure. The role of victim is a big one. I know I've allowed him to make me feel certain ways. My IC now told me I need to take my own inventory and he needs to take his. I would always get frustrated and angry with H because he would tell me what my issues were and instead of taking care of myself I would turn around and tell him what his issues were. Even when I was running and exercising alot, feeling good about myself, I allowed him to make me feel guilty because he was in a war zone and "all I cared about was working out." Crazy what people do to each other. Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96 S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14) BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since

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Subject	Posted By	Posted
too little, too late	lost18	04/04/14 01:14 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/04/14 01:53 PM
Re: too little, too late	Bunches	04/04/14 01:57 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/04/14 02:50 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/06/14 02:06 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/08/14 01:28 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/08/14 01:35 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/08/14 01:48 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/08/14 02:03 PM
Re: too little, too late	Bunches	04/08/14 02:10 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/08/14 06:28 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/10/14 02:29 AM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/10/14 09:59 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/11/14 11:04 AM
Re: too little, too late	melissag	04/11/14 01:21 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/14/14 02:16 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/15/14 01:26 PM
Re: too little, too late	melissag	04/15/14 01:36 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/19/14 02:03 PM
Re: too little, too late	ye21	04/19/14 04:46 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/22/14 01:36 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/25/14 02:24 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/25/14 07:23 PM
Re: too little, too late	Bunches	04/25/14 07:50 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/26/14 01:52 AM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/28/14 01:11 PM
Re: too little, too late	melissag	04/28/14 02:10 PM
Re: too little, too late	Underdog	04/28/14 04:12 PM
Re: too little, too late	Underdog	04/28/14 04:19 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/29/14 05:07 PM
Re: too little, too late	whytry	04/29/14 07:38 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/04/14 04:13 AM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/04/14 12:55 PM
Re: too little, too late	whytry	05/05/14 06:11 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/06/14 05:48 PM
Re: too little, too late	whytry	05/06/14 08:09 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/07/14 05:48 PM
Re: too little, too late	LongRoad06	05/07/14 05:52 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/09/14 06:48 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/13/14 01:13 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/15/14 01:22 PM
Re: too little, too late	Georgiabelle	05/15/14 01:33 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/15/14 04:00 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/15/14 04:01 PM
Re: too little, too late	whytry	05/16/14 08:56 AM
Re: too little, too late	owl777	05/16/14 07:25 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/29/14 04:36 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/29/14 04:06 PM
Re: too little, too late	Maybell	05/17/14 08:53 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/20/14 05:03 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/20/14 05:38 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/22/14 01:22 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/23/14 02:20 PM
Re: too little, too late	whytry	05/26/14 07:42 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/27/14 06:47 PM
Re: too little, too late	whytry	05/27/14 09:47 PM
Re: too little, too late	bashy	05/27/14 10:02 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/29/14 12:49 AM
Re: too little, too late	whytry	05/29/14 03:13 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/01/14 02:13 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/04/14 01:12 PM
Re: too little, too late	willbwell	06/04/14 02:02 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/05/14 04:28 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/07/14 11:55 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/08/14 01:20 AM
Re: too little, too late	GoatGal	06/08/14 01:39 AM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/09/14 03:25 PM
Re: too little, too late	willbwell	06/10/14 01:25 AM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/10/14 01:24 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/10/14 01:45 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/11/14 01:40 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/14/14 01:47 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/16/14 01:46 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/17/14 02:24 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/17/14 05:24 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/19/14 02:00 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/21/14 02:22 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/23/14 02:05 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/24/14 02:26 PM
Re: too little, too late	Thornton	06/24/14 02:31 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/25/14 03:12 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/27/14 01:59 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/27/14 02:05 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	07/01/14 04:46 AM
Re: too little, too late	bashy	07/01/14 05:03 AM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	07/01/14 05:09 PM
Re: too little, too late	bashy	07/01/14 08:01 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	07/01/14 09:24 PM
Re: too little, too late	bashy	07/01/14 09:40 PM
Re: too little, too late	Ben2010	07/01/14 11:53 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	07/02/14 01:31 AM
Re: too little, too late	Maybell	07/02/14 01:47 AM
Re: too little, too late	Ben2010	07/02/14 02:11 AM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	07/02/14 03:04 AM
Re: too little, too late	Thornton	07/02/14 03:59 AM
Re: too little, too late	Maybell	07/02/14 04:01 AM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	07/10/14 01:45 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	07/10/14 01:48 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	07/13/14 10:42 PM
Re: too little, too late	Wet	07/13/14 10:52 PM
Re: too little, too late	Ben2010	07/02/14 02:10 AM

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