Truthfully, I think for the first time I am actually saying more with silence and detachment than anything else.
That is sooooo true!
I would like to comment on what you said about maybe not being warm/friendly enough during exchange. First of all, give yourself a little break sometimes. Like you said.......you are making statements in a way you've never tried.
I wonder if some LBS's may over-kill with this one.......of showing a positive/happy/upbeat person whenever around their WAS....turned XS.. I mean she just kicked you in your b@lls and you're going to start wagging your tail and trying to lick her face whenever you see her? IMO, there may be times that showing all happy/bouncy seems almost inappropriate and hinges on being goofy. One of those times could be when you are seriously stepping away and want her to get the message that you are done with her game playing and your a$$ kissing.
I believe some D couples need to go through a period of true non-contacting separation before they can learn how to adjust and think of each other as friendly acquaintances. Especially for the S who was trying to save the M. I have heard some people claim how they are best friends with their XS, and that may be true.......but I have never seen it get to the place where the couple and their new spouses hung out together. Once there is another party involved, I think at best, you can have a friendly co-parenting R with your XS. But that's just me.
There are no rules about being all roses and sunshine to anyone who has D you, or anyone you don't want to be around. The way I see it, showing the happy face to the WAS had more to do with 180's and saving the MR. So give yourself a little slack. You are allowed to do whatever you feel like doing. After all, there should be some quirks to being D.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
