buz 28: finally feeling worthy... a new beginning

[makingmagic]

HI... Thanks for popping in whytry... I do understand the importance of "me" time. I do spend quiet time reading self-help stuff, go for long walks, enjoy DD time. Otherwise I work a lot... and on weekends socialize with friends.. I keep busy. Thanks for your support & good luck to you as well.

Gabby ~ not sure what thats all about.

Portia... I went looking back to see Golfmoms comments, this one?:

"Some of the comments on this thread are just down right cruel. MM is finding her way. Why not applaud and encourage her on her journey. It takes some longer than others to understand the advice that they've been asking for and that's ok. Some of the people here are very fragile and need to be encouraged to seek professional counseling. No one here is a substitute for that. In fact, poor advice can do harm. I believe this forum was started as a place where people can be vulnerable and share with others in similar circumstances. If not, it should be shutdown. Maybe it's time for some of you to move on."

To answer the questions from Job (when turned around from my statements):
I am looking at:

1. Who am I? ~ working on being a strong, independent woman who values herself.

2. What do I need, want and expect from a man and a relationship? I want commitment, honesty, love & adoration, appreciation.

3. How can I be in a relationship of any kind with him without violating my standards or giving up what I want and need? By being cautious along the way. Watching for red flags and holding firm to what I want and need (when the time comes).

What am I willing to accept in the way of his terms/conditions for a relationship? I am willing to accept "exclusive dating" temporarily... so we can explore the possibility of a new "workable" relationship.

If he NEVER commits, then I will see that, soon... and accept it. The thing is... I know he loves me and misses our relationship. He said it again on Saturday. He says he does want to be in a committed relationship. I know he is skeptical to commit and BE in one with me, as he fears I will pin him to it. He fears I will trap him into something he didn't come to the decision on his own accord. This is why he is willing to be exclusive dating, for now. I hear his fear. I know it comes from me 20 years ago, landing on his doorstep without a place to live & looking for a partner to help parent my DD. THIS time, I want the decision to be his.... when he is ready.

I will give him "some" time... not forever, not a long time either... But an opportunity to let him decide what he wants for himself. Meanwhile, I will date him back & see if he fits... (i like your term Portia, going to steal it)

If he never commits, then I will move on & be happy with someone else who chooses to commit to me.

YES!!! I am examining me and still working on who I am.

I like how you say "applying them through actions"... at the moment I need to figure out what my action is. How do I action my personal value without losing self? The only answer I can come up with.. is to be very cautious, not rush things with him, no sex (as much as I want too), no pressure on either end, and to view things as I am "checking him out", interviewing him, watching for red flags...