[Maritimer]

Wow Lost, what you wrote sent chills down my spine.

The growth I have experienced since the BD has been huge. It has been a extremely painful yet rewarding journey.

Looking back I did have them feelings that I was not happy in my marriage, and really it was me not being happy with myself that poisoned our marriage. Told myself that it will be fine while using pot and alcohol as a coping mechanism. I had a gut feeling that how I was behaving wasn't healthy for our relationship and did nothing to change it until it all came crumbling down.

We have been interacting nicely toward each other lately and seen a look in her eyes I haven't seen in a while.

My fear is being alone and part time single father 2 young boys.

I fear this new reality is not the ideal scenario to raise my beautiful children in.

I got a feeling that this is the right time for me to express my ideas on moving forward, with or without her. I need to do this for me.