just wanted to say hang on- you sound like you're doing okay. it's hard, it's a long long "recuperation" broken heart, broken life, etc. life is really full of fears and things we can't control.
i feel them sometimes too, they immobilize me sometimes , but then there are times when i honestly realize i don't give a sh!t and will deal with whatever happens when it happens- and can turn off brain/worry.
i think alot of my mom's life and that when my dad died, and she was 42 with five kids and no means of support really, and not even highschool diploma (got it later) and honestly- as scary a life's prospect as you could ask. (and she took care of him at home thru dying and it was not at all easy or nice) - so there's a shattered exhausted woman with five kids & not much else...
i take heart. she was a simple woman- she did an amazing job- paid her own way her rest of whole life. never had to ask anyone for anything- gave each kid a little start with some college - kept roof over our heads - even ended up with an "estate" to leave. how- one wonders - sheer determination not to drop the ball i guess -
i'm awash with admiration for what this woman accomplished - the magnitude of it - in this world we live in. an unsung hero- there are millions i'm sure.
all her crabbiness aside and my own non-perfection - it all falls away when someone dies - and the best side of them is seeable again- clear of day to day crappola that hyurts you and bogs you down. you'll prevail - we all will i think-
by virtue of fact we're here trying rather than laying down and dying- we'll all be amazed in the end - what we've accomplished in our lives - with our lives (i'm pretty darn sure)
