[SemperFi00]

Thanks for the comments ces67 and labug - appreciate the interest.

Its a long road to live in an environment where there you are not shown the expected love and compassion we think an M should have. I like the way you responded to your son (and it had to feel good to know he sees it as well and sympathized with you).

I'm sure this is somewhere back in your threads but I'll ask anyway. Why are you staying? Just a curiosity on my part.

Thanks for ^^^. Not sure what the appropriate response in these situations should be but it is certainly what came to mind in the moment and seemed truthful without being disparaging. Also seemed a little like a teaching moment that was presenting itself.

The situation sparked a couple of feelings: was a bit glad that he noticed and sympathized, sad that he has to experience this (but not my doing so I can't assume complete responsibility for it) and a little frustration that there is nothing I can do to prevent it for him.

Great question that I have been thinking about more and more….. So far I have been staying because: I made a commitment and honoring that is important to me, I think it is important to show this example for my boys (given that there is not any abuse, fighting or 3rd party involved), I made a choice to love my W for better or worse and something deep inside of me tells me it is still not the “right” thing to leave/give-up.

Is this the life you want?

No, it is not exactly the life that I want or thought I would have but it is the hand I have currently been dealt (or my cross to bear – pick your analogy) so I am trying to play it out as best I can. And there are parts of my life that are really great which I try to stay focused on the majority of the time…..

I think that another reason I do not take steps to leave is because it feels like doing that would be so against my nature/value system that it would be very destructive to me. I don’t think it is all fear – although I suppose there is some of that there.

My brain tells me that I can make it on my own and I am fairly certain that I can offer value to a future R if that’s the path that I choose to move down. My heart/feelings still tell me that it’s not time yet. And sometime I hear this inner voice saying to me to be patient awhile longer because there is still work to be done for myself and W.