Barrybran

[Barrybran]

OK, finally replying to Mach's questions. I hope my responses don't appear out of context. If they do, head back to page 2 of this thread where Mach posted them with my quotes.

So one might say that your actions are more of an obligation, and that is what drives you ???

Was your Marriage more of an obligation ?

At work, definitely. When I go to work I feel that I am there to do a job, there are certain expectations of me and if I don’t do my job I”ll be out of work. I take work very seriously. Outside of work, I feel there is so much choice that I don’t know what to do about it. What job do I want to do? What do I want to do for fun? Should I run errands or have downtime? What should I do with my money? There are so many ways to live your life and I have no idea how I want to live mine. As such, I see life as not being an obligation and how I’ve conducted myself in marriage has been an extension of that.

So, if you were to take away the context of your recent conversations, and focus on the content, would you say that there is better communication now ? Or say, a month ago ???

Absolutely. It has continued on since then and I am very happy with it. It is clear both ways and when one of us doesn’t fully understand something, we ask until we do understand. She is still pissed off at me however she is very clear with me now and I appreciate it. There is a lot less misunderstanding going on between us.

You cheated, I get that.

You also found an excuse to cheat. And you also found a way to justify cheating to yourself. Yet you list that as one of your qualities.

Should you pay for that forever ???

Absolutely not....

Yet you really need to dig and find out why you cheated. Not just a superficial scratch on the surface. The real root cause of why you cheated.

For me, this was answered when I read 5LL. I know I’m not unfaithful at heart and yet I did it. I was ashamed of myself and it totally went against who I thought I was. I understand the symptoms very clearly. The reasons, however, came down to my wife and I loving each other in our own love languages and not understanding, and therefore appreciating, the love that came our way. Add in the fact that I have been codependent all my life and I wound up withdrawing first and ultimately cheating.

I think that you are patient, with what YOU want to be patient with.

Little girls are just younger women in training....

Until you learn about Women, you will have trouble with Girls...

Have you read Mars/Venus ???

I can’t say that I have. Should I be reading it?