'Now you understand how she felt when she was doing most of the work.'
I just need to clarify. I did a lot anyway before the split. I didn't help out much in the morning when getting the boys ready for school and just didn't realise how hard it is until I am now doing it alone, I deeply regret not realising it before. But I bathed my children, made them dinner 3 nights per week when she attended the gym.Took them to bed and brushed their teeth etc at least 3-4 nights per week. Every Saturday she worked so I had them all day and did all th things I am now doing. I was already a very hands on Dad . The main difference is that I now have every single morning to organise them for school before starting my days work. And I have them almost every evening, feeding them, doing homeworks, sorting them for bed as well as everything else, all on my own. I maybe haven't stressed enough that they actually are with me more than 85% of the time so its the shift in balance that is exhausting me. But I was already a very hands on Dad in so many ways.
'Mindreading.'
I am basing this purely on what she is continuously telling me. I didn't or couldn't accept it for a long time as I didn't want to give it up. But she has stated it clearly on more than one occasion recently so I have no choice but to accept that it is fact.I wish it wasn't the case but she insists that it is so I don't see how this can be construed as mindreading.
"As for her relationship with the boys, well I know it is no longer my concern whether or not she maintains a relationship with them. "
'That part should be a concern of yours because it will dictate how they're future relationships will be. You just can't control it, but should understand it.'
If you read my next line 'I hope she does for their sake,' you will see that it was a figure of speech. Anytime I have expressed my thoughts on her actions or decisions you have accused me of trying to control, now that I suggest giving up that though you are saying I should be concerned. I am of course, but what can I do? I want my boys to have a healthy strong relationship with their mum and if there was any way I could help that I would. But she has to want to do that and I have no say on how she decides to approach it.
I am trying my best to do things right. I have made and will continue to make mistakes in this. But I am honestly doing everything I can. Like I have said, there are so many other things my W has said and done over the months that I haven't mentioned as they happened before I joined the forum. Very hurtful and destructive things that most of our friends have almost disowned her for. But I took things on the chin and carried on trying because I love her and wanted to save our marriage. I also realise now that these things happen in the context of an affair and marriage breakdown and that I have also said and done questionable things due to the volatile nature of the situation. I deeply regret anything I have done or said and have said it clearly during our therapy. I realise that dwelling on these things serves no purpose so I am letting everything go and trying to get on with things. I truly am trying now to GAL and let her get on with hers. Meanwhile I am trying to create a healthy environment for our two boys and I don't and won't always get it right but I will keep trying.
