Don't know what to think

[T-boned]

I need some feed back, if possible.
H and I signed the Marriage Settlement Agreement today before my re-fi papers.. Probably will be the last time I will see him since there is no reason to see each other anymore. Neither one of us has to be present in court for the finalization in August. Knowing that, I spent last Sat. and a few days prior to that in a funk. Cried over the 'death' of the man I married. Cried over the finality of it all. Earlier today I was pretty upset anticipating what it was going to be like today seeing him for the last time.

I could barely look at him when he entered the room. I could feel him looking at me but I just couldn't make eye contact for fear I would just tear up. I hesitated a bit and felt the tears as I signed the settlement papers. We exchanged a few words. Afterwards we went outside so I could give him a bag full of mail and odds and ends. He said something about talking later, but I just shrugged my shoulders because he never calls me. Then he opened his arms to give me a hug and I waved him off saying, "I can't do that." Then I just turned and walked away, and off he went.

I headed back to the office to finish the re-fi papers and did fine. Got home, wrote a poem about it, and broke down. I know I am just grieving for the man I used to know because that guy I saw today? He's not the guy I married. It's almost like looking at a corpse - you recognize the face, but the life spirit of the person is gone. That's how I felt when I looked at him. 'He' was no longer in that body.

Here's my poem:
My eyes look into yours with disbelief and sadness,
Your eyes stare back with barely a glimmer of what I once was to you.
My heart breaks into its final last pieces.
Your heart has no memory of me.


Right now the place I had in my heart for him is barren. He's gone.

Let the healing begin....