buz 28: finally feeling worthy... a new beginning

[makingmagic]

EXACTLY Job.. thank you. I don't think you are being mean.

The thing here is that I am NOT ignoring or suggesting anyone is wrong... Im not sure how to communicate it other than what I just stated!

I am open to hearing suggestions, but that doesn't mean that I cannot put my own spin on it...to make it my own. I am still following the direction of my ultimate goal of commitment. I am just going about it a different way, because of what I learned and heard on the weekend.



Im not quite certain why my thread took a spin when I started to feel worthy enough to accept a date, without expectations (many other readers get this very advice). Its not like I am throwing all the previous advice out the window... I am proceeding with caution.


I admit that I am disappointed however, that I have not been recognized for my own efforts/idea here and wanting to try something on my own. I would have thought it would have been seen as MAJOR growth. Strength. Independent thinking.

In the beginning, Bond suggested for me to actually listen to what my Xbf was saying... and now I am.

One thing that may help with some clarity for the readers is to know and understand that when my Xbf and I first got together, I basically landed on his doorstep, appearing desperate for a commitment and help with parenting, to which he went along with. It was never a decision HE got to make.. it was "assumed" on him. Now, this is why 20 years later, I want to "see" if he "wants" to make that decision for himself. Not by forceful tact. Not by pressure. Not because I have an "imaginary bf. Not because of sex. Not because he realized he can't do better than me, Not because....

Because... HE choses ME!

What I am working on:

self-value
listening to my inner voice & trusting it
empowerment
finding my own answer
doing things without requiring validation from anyone
listening
being a better business partner
not being "baited" into things ... self control (including this site)
letting go of controlling outcome
independence
standing up for myself
wanting more for myself & waiting it out, to receive it... (not in such a rush)

Im sorry if my communication does not present itself well online... I try & try. My "live" supporters from the women's group & close friends have commented about my major growth and now feel that I am well on my way. I just have to remember my own empowerment. As mentioned earlier, I know that I could totally reel him in at this point from a sexual advantage and hook him back into a rel'p that way... but that would never allow me to see his authentic self in action. ... therefore, I will not do that. (noticing my power, but won't take advantage...just to win).

As long as I remember, that I deserve more... I will get it. (maybe him, maybe not).

I am not willing to abandon the advice given... I would like to take it somehow and apply it to the approach I am now working on.

Meanwhile... I am still working on myself.. and still focused on myself. Doing the things "I want", thinking of "me & dd" first. Embracing singleness & the benefits of being single. Not putting his needs/wants/opinions/feelings ahead of my own (was majorly guilty of this!!!)

Please don't think of me as a failure... can't you guys take a bow for the success? Don't you guys see it? Really?

Quick examples:

Bond ~ "listening" to dbf, not mind-reading him. Also, I do take the time to reflect what the posters are saying.

Job ~ db'ing the posters, acting when you said time to deal with the finances, etc.

Starsky ~ intro to Pearlharbr' s story. So many of you thought I was not catching the whole story, when in fact.. I did. Recognizing her self value....regardless of the success story and her approach.

There are so many more.... I look back and KNOW so much growth.... wish someone could take credit....lol