Spoue tried I didn't, now opposite #2

[whytry]

Sorry everyone, but my link was locked while I was away so I'll try my best to catch up.

So what are you doing other than giving superficial acts of service and talking the talk?
Why do you think she should give you another shot after treating her so shabbily for 15 years?
What changed inside you?

MrCas I'll have to let others be the judge if my acts are superficial and I'm just talking the talk. That's not a good answer I know. All I can do is stay the course and fix my deficiencies and keep on growing as a person.
Our entire marriage was not shabbily. We have had many good times and loved each other and been affectionate. I don't think anyone will ever be a perfect spouse and I do consider myself a horrible husband based on the fact I've learned more that I could have applied earlier in our marriage when we were happy and even more now. Changes I name will always sound superficial at this point because even to me they are new emotions I don't know how to process and are not anything near what my W is used to seeing.


I'm with Mr.CAS.
I don't believe a word of what you profess. Especially how wonderful you are with the chores, and children. Something smells off.

Ambivalent, you actually helped me without knowing it. I reread the passage about "believe none of what they say, and only 50% of what they do". I'm applying this to myself. If I don't see myself as sincere then why would anyone else. If I can't look inside myself and know then why would my W. Thank you


you make these changes for yourself whytry so be better for you and your kids.....you, my friend, have some work to do.
you're also going to have to figure out that she's done with trying and after 15 years I'd say that it's on you to do the right thing and PROVE (through time and patience) that you're making positive changes (not to get her back but to BE a better man/father).......start with the truth about who you are.

Whiterose, I agree with you and the changes for myself are evident only to me. For the first time I can remember, I enjoyed what a beautiful morning last Friday was so I took the day off. I never miss work (other than vacation), I've worked with pink eye in both eyes, walking pneumonia, etc. This was something that I didn't realize until I read your post and it made sense. I finally put myself before work! (Not to say I didn't get a bunch of calls on my cell, but oh what a great day it was sipping coffee by myself). Thank you for pointing it out by letting me think about it. And yes, I know I have a lot of work to do on me. Our whole marriage wasn't horrible, mostly the last while was the worst. We have many great memories of vacations, kids, time alone with each other in a hotel on the riverwalk, etc. Someone on here and the book mentioned WAS (me included) only remembers the bad times and yes I know why.


Okay, CC, you make a good point... but omission of crucial facts and the whole story is less than honest.
Just waiting for the rest of the story...

MrCas, Please let me know how far back I need to go. And I'll see if my pastor/counselor remembers something I said that I might have not posted and will keep thinking on it after I reread my posts to see what I've missed. I'm not against anyone "calling me out" to keep me moving forward. But I will say chances are if you knew me 6 months ago you would think worse of me.


So, why are you assuming I know your W? Because I can read between the lines and see what you say and figured out there is stuff missing? Don't assume anything.
I have a lot more years in life under my belt than you. I can very perceptive. I have life experiences that have taught how to be. Don't think that you are smarter than any of us or you are going to fool us, either. Like my Daddy used to tell me... "Don't try to s*** a s***ter."
You want some help? Then let us help. However, you need to come clean with the whole story. Feeding us snippets of what you want us to hear is not going to work. The only way to grow is to get all the muck out.

MrCas, my story began with the fear of everyone knowing my wife and prejudging. Through the help of the people on here I opened up and began telling more. My first posts were even thought of that I was a same sex couple. And yes I want help, I won't deny that and I thought telling about my EA and verbal abuse and stuff was the muck so I have more to learn. Please know I'm open to any questions if I'm unclear or even if you deem I'm not telling all. MrBond and Sandi2 and others have asked me things before and it's appreciated.


Sorry Mrcas but you're being very judgemental. You don't KNOW this guy is lying and everyone deserves help and advice. Back down and let him give us the blanks.
Whytry.....there appear to be a lot of blanks. I'm not going to be harsh, we all rewrite history, but what are you excluding from your story?

CallahganClown, Thank you for the reply and support. I think I left out some details when I was afraid of people judging me and it being easier for my W to find since she was using this forum for me before. She is very intelligent and has given me detailed statements of what I write on this forum so now that she knows it's plain knowledge.
Nov 2008 I was laid off as North American Manager of a large company. W began working Aug 2008.
We filed for bankruptcy, lost our house, etc.
Had failed enterprise with a guy that was not a good businessman.
Found nightshift work at factory I think March 2010.
Worked 7days/week most of the time to keep head above water.
Moved to day shift a week before V-day (I think).
I hope that's what you're asking.


Thank you uRworthy, I appreciate all help. And you are right I have found very informative people willing to help me. Please know that I see the importance of sharing and am willing to stay the course. My struggle is knowing everything I say is critiqued & criticized & prejudged (although was expected) because I am/was the problem and wouldn't have asked for help (not my norm) if it wasn't my greatest goal. Too little, too late rings so true in my case and if my kids benefit from me working on who I am then I can be happy.