I'm just confused about it all. I understand that my statements may seem undetached. Where I was coming from was gathering as much information as I can to make an informed decision and to listen to and learn more about my wife in the process. You'd think after five months I might actually know more than I do.
Your statements seem like you are undetatched, because you are undetatched. No if's, and's, but's, or explanations about it.
Believe it or not, we understand you pretty clearly without you having to explain every single thought you have.
It is the reason you don't understand the reference to the cleaning.
If you were detatched, you would clean as much or as little as you want to and not worry how your W feels because she owns her own feelings and you don't.
Right now that particular topic is a no win situation because she wants to make you responsible for her feelings. It allows her to stay in anger.
There is a book, called After the Affair. I haven't read it but I have heard good things about it. It may help.
Barry, in your first thread, you gave excuses as to how you ended up in the affair. You blamed your W, you blamed yourself, you cried the "it just happened" card, and you know you were wrong.
Do you really understand how you got there?
What have you done to ensure that it won't happen again? Have you learned how to meet your own needs when your W doesn't?
Do you understand even a little bit how deeply wounded your W was by your actions?
I am not trying to bash you, but I get the feeling you just want to move past the affair, and fix the M, and your W is no where near ready to do that. She has no faith that it won't happen again. There is no guarantee that she will ever be able to find that faith again.
The best you can do at this point is work toward really understanding it, really being remorseful (even if you never express it to her), and work toward being a man who is secure enough within himself that he can move through times of strife without looking for validation and attention from any woman.
Just MO.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
