too little, too late

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Re: too little, too late lost18 #2448761 04/28/14 02:10 PM
Joined: Oct 2013 Posts: 1,593 Rocky Mountains M melissag Member
melissag Member M Joined: Oct 2013 Posts: 1,593 Rocky Mountains	Hi lost, glad to hear you are doing better lately. Go out there and GAL even if you don't have anyone to do it with - sometimes it can be nice to do things alone! And maybe you will meet other people in the process. About the vacation - I know things are different for everyone, but for me, even just a few months in, vacation with my kids was a godsend. I was of course crushed that H didn't want to go, and I was soooo nervous about going. I thought about canceling but decided I needed to just keep moving forward, so I went anyway. It was FANTASTIC. It was so nice to just have time to focus on my kiddos and relax without the annoyances of everyday life (laundry, dishes, homework). And I didn't really talk to H the whole time . . . it was terrific. Also, it made me realize I can do lots of things without my H - I really don't need him there, and in fact, in many ways, it was better without him there. OK, so your H doesn't care what you do - GREAT! Now you can take the dog and drive or whatever you want to do, without someone ragging on you about it! You have got to look at the positives here! You can detach without giving up, lost. You need to get to a place where you can live without him and you know you will be OK, but that doesn't mean you don't leave the door ajar in case he wants to join you. You just need to live for you and drop all the expectations of any kind of life with H. I know that is easier said than done - I am still working on it myself - but you will get there if you just keep moving forward and focusing on you and the kids. As far as your H having to deal with the backlash from the kids - someone told me this and it's true - it's not your job to teach your H a lesson. Trust me, even if you have to tell the kids on your own, and you place no blame on anyone in the conversation, they are not stupid, and he will feel the consequences. Of course it is easy for him right now, he's not there so he can deny that anyone is suffering because of his actions. But eventually he will see. You are stronger than you think - quit being so hard on yourself. If your best friend was telling your story, would you be disappointed and think she wasn't strong enough? I doubt it. Stop judging yourself and where you are in the process - it only holds you back. WRT telling the kids - I agree that having both of you there is the best way, but how much longer is that going to be? I don't think you can insist on waiting until he gets back if it is starting to be bad for the kids. If you do tell them, please talk to an expert in this field, or read a book, or do something so that you know what is appropriate to say. Your kids are at an age where they will probably be asking a lot of questions . . . but how you answer could make things worse for them if you say the wrong thing. You ARE strong, and you ARE getting better, and you will be OK. Hang in there, keep putting one foot in front of the other, and remember what you are grateful for each and every day. ((hugs)) me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14

Entire Thread
Subject	Posted By	Posted
too little, too late	lost18	04/04/14 01:14 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/04/14 01:53 PM
Re: too little, too late	Bunches	04/04/14 01:57 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/04/14 02:50 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/06/14 02:06 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/08/14 01:28 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/08/14 01:35 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/08/14 01:48 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/08/14 02:03 PM
Re: too little, too late	Bunches	04/08/14 02:10 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/08/14 06:28 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/10/14 02:29 AM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/10/14 09:59 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/11/14 11:04 AM
Re: too little, too late	melissag	04/11/14 01:21 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/14/14 02:16 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/15/14 01:26 PM
Re: too little, too late	melissag	04/15/14 01:36 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/19/14 02:03 PM
Re: too little, too late	ye21	04/19/14 04:46 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/22/14 01:36 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/25/14 02:24 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/25/14 07:23 PM
Re: too little, too late	Bunches	04/25/14 07:50 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/26/14 01:52 AM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/28/14 01:11 PM
Re: too little, too late	melissag	04/28/14 02:10 PM
Re: too little, too late	Underdog	04/28/14 04:12 PM
Re: too little, too late	Underdog	04/28/14 04:19 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/29/14 05:07 PM
Re: too little, too late	whytry	04/29/14 07:38 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/04/14 04:13 AM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/04/14 12:55 PM
Re: too little, too late	whytry	05/05/14 06:11 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/06/14 05:48 PM
Re: too little, too late	whytry	05/06/14 08:09 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/07/14 05:48 PM
Re: too little, too late	LongRoad06	05/07/14 05:52 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/09/14 06:48 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/13/14 01:13 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/15/14 01:22 PM
Re: too little, too late	Georgiabelle	05/15/14 01:33 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/15/14 04:00 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/15/14 04:01 PM
Re: too little, too late	whytry	05/16/14 08:56 AM
Re: too little, too late	owl777	05/16/14 07:25 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/29/14 04:36 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	04/29/14 04:06 PM
Re: too little, too late	Maybell	05/17/14 08:53 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/20/14 05:03 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/20/14 05:38 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/22/14 01:22 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/23/14 02:20 PM
Re: too little, too late	whytry	05/26/14 07:42 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/27/14 06:47 PM
Re: too little, too late	whytry	05/27/14 09:47 PM
Re: too little, too late	bashy	05/27/14 10:02 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	05/29/14 12:49 AM
Re: too little, too late	whytry	05/29/14 03:13 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/01/14 02:13 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/04/14 01:12 PM
Re: too little, too late	willbwell	06/04/14 02:02 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/05/14 04:28 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/07/14 11:55 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/08/14 01:20 AM
Re: too little, too late	GoatGal	06/08/14 01:39 AM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/09/14 03:25 PM
Re: too little, too late	willbwell	06/10/14 01:25 AM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/10/14 01:24 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/10/14 01:45 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/11/14 01:40 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/14/14 01:47 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/16/14 01:46 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/17/14 02:24 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/17/14 05:24 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/19/14 02:00 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/21/14 02:22 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/23/14 02:05 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/24/14 02:26 PM
Re: too little, too late	Thornton	06/24/14 02:31 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/25/14 03:12 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/27/14 01:59 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	06/27/14 02:05 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	07/01/14 04:46 AM
Re: too little, too late	bashy	07/01/14 05:03 AM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	07/01/14 05:09 PM
Re: too little, too late	bashy	07/01/14 08:01 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	07/01/14 09:24 PM
Re: too little, too late	bashy	07/01/14 09:40 PM
Re: too little, too late	Ben2010	07/01/14 11:53 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	07/02/14 01:31 AM
Re: too little, too late	Maybell	07/02/14 01:47 AM
Re: too little, too late	Ben2010	07/02/14 02:11 AM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	07/02/14 03:04 AM
Re: too little, too late	Thornton	07/02/14 03:59 AM
Re: too little, too late	Maybell	07/02/14 04:01 AM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	07/10/14 01:45 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	07/10/14 01:48 PM
Re: too little, too late	lost18	07/13/14 10:42 PM
Re: too little, too late	Wet	07/13/14 10:52 PM
Re: too little, too late	Ben2010	07/02/14 02:10 AM

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