WAW...Again

[stumps]

You're doing it right Stumps, well at least in my opinion. Keep at it!

Thanks VFL, I really appreciate that. Especially because at the moment I'm feeling like I'm at a low point. While I was out with the kids yesterday W texted and asked if we could grill some burgers and have W's mom and W's friend come over. 180 for me: I said yes enthusiastically and without hesitation. We had a great time, but it kind of had a weird effect on me (kept it to myself, so pat on the back for that).

From a 180/GAL perspective I feel like I'm doing well... But I've been having feelings creep in of "maybe this would be easier if W just moved out". Being "just friends" with W gets agonizing sometimes. And I'm doing so much of the household work right now, nothing would change from that perspective. I can't remember the last time W did some dishes, or the kids' laundry, or fixed dinner, or made a grocery store run...and keeping the kids busy and entertained on the weekends has become my sole responsibility. She even blew off the kids' Easter baskets this year; that was all me. It's feeling more and more like W is in a MLC... and if I'm understanding DBing correctly the best I can do is patiently stand by while she goes off the rails and hope that my quiet patience and acceptance brings her back. Meanwhile we've gone from what used to be a pretty 50/50 split of the household labor to it being more like a 95(me)/5(W) split.

I'm continuing to show W nothing but calmness and positivity, but inside...despite GALing...I'm just really lonely. I'm aching for her affection...for her to say "I love you". We had another good time last night hanging out with W's mom and W's friend by the fire pit, and it was hard not to notice that even W's friend gets more affection from W than I do. I don't let any of it show... but it does hurt. Especially in light of how good our friendship seems to be. W asks me to be with her, to spend time with her, to keep her company while she does x, y, or z, but... there's always this limit to it.

It reminds me of our relationship before we were dating. We were good friends that used to hang out with this couple we knew, and we would always sleep over in their guest room if we'd been drinking too much. She always wanted me to sleep in the same bed with her and snuggle...but it was like strictly platonic...for her. I really liked her, and one day realized if she didn't feel the same way then sleeping in the same bed and having this limited platonic kind of physical contact was actually not good for me. So one night as she prepared to get into bed I instead gathered up my stuff to head home. And she got pissed. She couldn't believe that instead of our "snuggle time" together, I was choosing to go home.

I don't know... I guess I'm feeling like I'm almost in the same boat again. I had gotten advice here that suggested that the tact I'm taking right now is the right one. That all of what I'm doing right now is what W is going to miss if she leaves. But sometimes I wonder...she's not missing anything *right now*. I'm a model husband...but feel that I'm squarely in the friend zone. I know we're not supposed to be trying to teach our WASs a lesson or anything like that... and it's not like I can gather up my stuff and go home like when we were just friends. But if she left, if she went ahead and moved into her parents' like she said she was going to, maybe she would see what she's missing.

The advice I've gotten seems to suggest that she is seeing what she'll be missing, even if she doesn't show it, and it is making it harder for her to leave (maybe it's why she hasn't left yet), but in the meantime, even with all the 180s and GALing, it feels like it's taking super-human strength sometimes to be strong, and stoic, and calm about it all.

I really want someone to give me a hug, and say "I love you". And when I say "someone" I mean "my wife".