I have to ask... Why in the world did you say that to your wife and the OM?
Never... Never... and I mean NEVER... make a threat you are not prepared to back up. The same goes for ultimatums. If you don't follow up you will lose your credibility.
This just seems like a poor course of action to me.
The day after my W confessed to her EA, I sent a text to the OM warning him to stay away from my W or I would tell his W about the A. I meant it.
Weeks later, I got proof that the EA was ongoing. I found the OM's W's work phone # online. I called and asked for her, fully intending to expose the A to her at that moment. But, she no longer works there. Keep in mind, my motivations were purely anger and revenge at that moment.
Within days, I confronted my W and confirmed with her that I knew the EA was still ongoing. She said she wanted a D. I agreed to a D. She asked me if I had tried to call the OM's W and I told her, yes and that I still intended to tell his W. My W told me that she would never forgive me if I told the OM's W. I slept on it, awoke the next day in D mode and thought, what's the point in having an angry wife going through the D process, so decided not to expose the A at that point.
Within the next few weeks, my W let me know she didn't want a D. I realized I didn't want a D either. I thought we were reconciling and then I discovered the EA was still ongoing.
I talked to my W Fri morning to see if she would come clean regarding the A. She lied. Then, I let her know that I knew she was lying. I told her that I was considering telling the OM's W, no longer out of anger or revenge, but to put pressure on the OM to end the A. And that brings us up to date on my sitch.
I'm new to DB. I just got the book. So far, there don't seem to be much in the way of strategies on how to deal with an ongoing A. But, I realize that I've been pretty much doing everything opposite of the DB method up to this point. Lol!
Oh well. Can't go back now. Time to move forward. At least I'm not all weepy and sad anymore. I have detached a lot from the emotional roller coaster I was riding.
You are correct though, none of the 3 of us in this triangle have much credibility up to this point. So far, we have all been full of BS.
I've now got the OM's physical address. I can go out and expose the A to his W tomorrow at her home while her H is working. Should I do it? I could also send her a Fed Ex Letter. Under these circumstances, is this type of exposure a good strategy at this point?
