She left - 4

[gogofo]

Unfortunately it's pretty common in R to hurt those who we perceive as hurting us. That reciprocal hurt can come in many different ways. Avoiding confrontation can give the message that IT (whatever needs confronting)is just not worth your time or interest, there are more important things for you to deal with. That's hurtful to a spouse.

While confrontation may be spurred by anger, it doesn't have to be done angrily. Your anger at a situation can be expressed lovingly, without resentment, without the need to inflict hurt.

A book I often recommend "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It." Have a look at it.

I understand exactly what you are saying about hurting others when feeling hurt. This was the first time I have done it during the whole separation so that is why I wrote it in my thread. It was probably minor or a non issue but I wanted to understand why I felt this way and felt compelled to lash out. Thanks to everyone and your comments about my actions, it has opened my eyes and should allow me to never lash out or try and hurt again.

I have read that book and need to reread it and review my highlights and bookmarks. I liked it and its perspective.

I am on book 16 and need to step back and review what I have read. My goal is to write book reports on all of them to remind myself what they teach and also have some cliff's notes for each book.