Reaching out for support and advice 4

[bluesgal]

Update and journal:

H is home. He hasn't officially 'moved in' because we have been crazy busy all weekend but I overheard him tell the kids he is home now. There have been some interesting movements on his part.

When he came to visit the kids on Friday, I was going for an evening walk with the kids and he voluntarily came with. I didn't even ask him. Family walks have been something we have done for 15 years. Last summer these ended. His last walk was slow, detached, and distant. Not the normal talking and family time we would have. On Friday, he came with and was as normal as he gets for the state of mind he's in. He later had supper with us and followed me around the yard talking.

Saturday was prom for our daughter and the day was a whirlwind. We had so much fun. It was a real bonding time for our family. We went out with close friends while the prom kids went to dinner and dance and we had a great time. So much laughing and joking and story telling. H saw some interesting antique tables at a restaurant we were at and he came over to me so I would come look at them...something he always used to do. There was a lot of brief touches on my shoulder or back when he went by me...far from the body contortions he used to do in order to avoid me. He told several stories that were about positive events in our marriage and family. We got home and stayed up until 3:30am talking and laughing about the night. He stayed over for the first time in 3 months and slept on the couch. I covered him up with a blanket.

Today we had a great day of lounging and friends over for dinner...just like old times. We ate well and had lots of laughs. After they left, he invited me to watch a tv show we used to watch. Put the kids to bed and we went out to the kitchen and talked for about an hour. He had good body language and even sat down on the countertop to keep talking. This time the talks were more serious-like about a sports issue with our D and then even more serious-about his parents. H opened up about some internal issues he has with his mother. He talked about his guilt and feelings of inadequacy and how he felt discouraged by them and he never had the opportunity to live up to his potential. He has feelings of regret that he didn't do and accomplish more when he was younger that would have led to more things to be proud of now.

The more time we spend together, the less awkward things are. I just keep doing my own thing and giving lots of space. He has a very low tolerance for stress and noise. I am pleasantly surprised at how easy this weekend has been. I really anticipated instant anger and was ready to really 180 my reactions. I suppose I can expect the low to follow this high. I am just so thankful to be building a friendship again. He has really been following me around and talking. This is so different than how he has been the past year.

One last thing. H took off his dress shirt and put it in the laundry bin...he hasn't put his laundry in with ours since last summer.