Jrock, you seem like you are not really on the fence about this...its seems like you really think exposing is the way to go.
I did read your statement about the blanket exposure, but you seem to have clearly differentiated telling his wife vs. yours and hers family and friends.
So I will ask you this: What's your hesitation? There must be something in the back of your mind that prompted you to ask everyone-what's your concern deep down?
I've been wrestling with this for more than a month. I think exposing the A to the OM's W could help to end it, but beyond that, I can't control how everyone will react. Obviously, there are possible risks.
I think this will bring sadness to the OM's W. That bothers me. The OM's W could retaliate against my W. The OM might retaliate against me. My W will be angry and she'll probably pull away in the short term. My W might retaliate against me for informing the OM's W.
I've actually already told my W that I had been thinking about telling the OM's W, not out of revenge but to apply leverage. I've told the OM that I've considered telling his W. I know that's like telegraphing my battle plan to the enemy. I thought it might help motivate them to stop the A but they simply became a bit more discreet.
