Road to happiness....Part 2

[ye21]

Thank you 25

Didn't that anger go both ways? I don't know either of you, but from what you wrote around here, it seems to me,

You were two people who married, and apparently, the whole time --you both wanted the other to change.

You both became resentful and more stubborn and more angry, wanting the other to change for you and then resenting it when the person instead, chose to be themselves.

This is totally true, and I agree with that.


B/C THAT is what the mature actors seek out, work they feel is respected by their peers, that pays enough for them to not starve, and that's IT...mature spouses know this and support it.

But the goal of attaining fame...I mean if fame is THE actual Goal.....well you may as well rob banks if all you care about is fame. I bet it's a lot easier to do...and if you get caught and go to jail, at least you have shelter and food and health care..


For my W this wasnt enough, she kept repeating: if I dont become rich I dont want to be an actress struggling to pay my monthly expenses.

However I see your kids as being serious about acting, one thing that I could not stand is that my W, refussed to go to auditions because of fear, so basically she had no designed plan neither a goal...besides become the 3%, I had no problems with that and I will had no problems supporting that, the fact that she didnt tried it, is what kept me in a weird state of mind.


I can support my wife in her career and build a life in NY or LA, I can work in my insecurities...

I was living in NY, however and let me show you something: I wanted to be a photographer and didn't stop busting my ass knocking doors untill I was a photographer. She wanted and probably wants to be an actress but refusses to knock doors......


Would it be a selfish compromise for me to live in NY and LA under her conditions?

Her conditions, basically I would not mind had supported her, but for me to made enough money that was something that required time and effort and I kept telling her, once I become a nurse and I make more money I will help you more. She just could not wait that long.


You never offered her the option of living in 2 cities, you made it clear that it would only happen AFTER YOU felt wealthy enough but you both had serious financial flaws so that's not something she could really believe in, was it?


I offered her the option to live in NY. She is the one who said once she was rich we could live in between states.


To me, it sounds as if you were both so afraid to face conflict that no conflict was ever actually resolved.

The thing about conflict is, it's not about how often you have conflict (b/c life throws some couples more curve balls than other couples), but how you resolve those conflicts...

Well I have to disagree with this, I faced every conflict and talk about them, however as soon as I started talking she would shut me up saying, I dont want to talk about this. I will say but its necessary to talk about this, I dont know what you think about it.... She will say: sorry is just that I dont know...and I had to stop there.

Now I can see why you said I was selfish, and I recognize I was, I recognize I had no idea how to deal with my wife, it was hard for me to approach her, basically one of the "jokes" she had was: I am like the CIA, I dont like telling people about my personal life... And I can tell you untill one point this was right: It took her one year to tell her mom she had married me and I had no idea about this untill she told me, after her mom was upset one day we went visit her....

The way I see things now: I could had done things in a different way 25, but at that point I didnt knew how. I cant do anything else now, she seems happier without me, and I am glad and happy she is, there is nothing I can do about that, not because I dont want to because I want. But because she doesnt talk or contact me at all and it will not be respectfull of me to break that rule she had set.