I guess it should have been written that way for me (although it was from out of the book I am reading) ...although it does basically say the same thing... I am *watching* him. I need to observe his behaviours & listen to what he *IS* capable of giving, atm. Then, watching to see if he actually wants to be in a committed relationship.
Hearing his "i love you's" yesterday, while I was sharing the awkward drama I was involved in, I can still hear how he has more of his own journey to travel. He needs growth. I am not sure that pushing or by withholding is the right way anymore. He really responded to knowing that I have not been with another man.
GM... he has said he wants to be in a committed relationship, just that he is scared and is not *there* yet. He is not prepared to *work/put effort* on it just yet, like he sees I am. He says *yet*. He views "work/effort" as committing to counselling, etc. He feels he is overwhelmed with work (he is), personal, his dad's recent break up, house hold repairs (sump pump issues), etc..... I understand... totally! Although a temporary excuse that is not a reason, to never be in a committed relationship.
Right now, I see him making efforts to see me regularly (daily coffees, willing to drink out of same cup again & each weekend, 3 in a row)... a HUGE Difference from where we were a year ago. I *hear* that he wants to date, I *hear* that he can offer exclusive, I *hear* that he is afraid to commit fearing that I will bang him over the head with it, if it fails. He does not want to carrot me...he says.
He is doing thing *HIS* way.... I am not going to PUSH him into something he does not want to be in.
Right now, I *hear* that our relationship needs to be light & carefree, less R talk, more fun..... I am going to try that. And, while I do... I will see what I need/want & if its actually still him. He is prepared to be exclusive....
committed: expectations exclusive: safe to explore ourself without fear of outsiders and expectations
.... this is fine, for now. This is part of self-value... not being so eager to demand to have this relationship just for the sake of getting it.... Taking the time to look at it. I think this time, I need to give a little, to get a lot.
I have come to realize that I could totally take advantage here, by offering playful sex, etc... He would be completely vulnerable, get all caught up & I could trap him THIS way. That would be wrong & I would not *know* his truths and if he would *ever* make the efforts that I need to see.
This is TOTALLY about me, being an observer for a change.... not being so desperate to have it back at all cost.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
