She left - 4

[labug]

This is not who I want to be but with her being a WAW I cannot have a healthy discussion about us and my feelings. I think it goes against the whole BDing theories.

Remember the discussion we had about values earlier. How do your values fit into this discussion? That's why I ask, Is this who you want to be? Your true values should be guiding you along with things you're learned in DR about communicating with people.

I don't think you need to have a discussion, just examine your thoughts and motives, especially when you want to do things that you know are hurtful, often times referred to as passive/aggressive actions. Changing the way you think to align with your values will change your actions and your W will feel that. You won't have to show her anything.

Right now, as of writing this, I would not do it again because the motivation was out of hurt not love.

Past interactions had me feeling hurt and overwhelmed and doing nothing. I did not lash out in anger. If I had we may have dealt with the issues. I avoided confrontation in the R. I was scared an argument would drive her away. Ha! That worked well.

Unfortunately it's pretty common in R to hurt those who we perceive as hurting us. That reciprocal hurt can come in many different ways. Avoiding confrontation can give the message that IT (whatever needs confronting)is just not worth your time or interest, there are more important things for you to deal with. That's hurtful to a spouse.

While confrontation may be spurred by anger, it doesn't have to be done angrily. Your anger at a situation can be expressed lovingly, without resentment, without the need to inflict hurt.

A book I often recommend "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It." Have a look at it.