She left - 4

[gogofo]

I did it because I wanted her to know that I go and visit them on my own and I wanted her to know that she is missing out on them. I wanted her to know to show her change in me. She was a big driving factor in visiting them in the past and she felt that I took them and the opportunity to visit for granted. She was right.

Given the same opportunity I would have done it again. As the LBS I feel the need to show her my changes and this is something she would not have known about if I didn't tell her what I was doing.

I have always had people around me that created events, visits, plans, etc and I have been used to it being that way my whole life. She got tired of planning everything in the R and when I failed to notice it was an enormous insult to her. She felt unloved and unvalued. In each relationship there are givers and takers and she definitely was the giver, but it was very disproportionate.

She also has a big desire to be around family a lot. She didn't grow up with much, so it is important to her to visit them all. During birthdays she didn't understand the way my family did things. There really is a cultural difference between us. I used to tease her that she is the most unamerican American I have known, she was insulated from American culture when growing up here.

Her family would invite all family and close friends over and feed them all and have cake on birthdays. It would be a total of about 8 people. My family would eat with the immediate family and only have the grandparents over for cake. If we did what her family did there would have been over 40 people attending.

Couple this with being a taker, me being self centered, and her desire for time with all forms of family; you can see why it looked like I took everything and everyone for granted. Can't say she was wrong either.

In the past she was frustrated with the amount of time I didn't spend with my grandparents and felt that if she didn't initiate the visit I would never have visited. She was right.