Hi, I do agree that we are still a huge influence on our xh's lives. My lawyer (I am STILL involved in a long running legal dispute with xh) said 'MRS X you must be a quite remarkable woman for your former husband to be still so involved with you. He is a very bitter and lonely man.' I am now eight and a half years post bomb drop!
He is getting married again shortly, and I actually feel slightly sorry for the woman - she isn't the woman he left me for, and they have been together about three years. So I guess she knows what she is getting herself into!
Anyway, the point of this response is that you did not make your xh feel not good enough for you all.
He is an adult and responsible for what he does, including choosing to have relationships with other women and not work on his marriage. I agree that depression causes us to feel fragile, but that only we can deal with it.
I still feel bad at times, but it isn't my xh's fault. It is me dealing with the stuff I need to deal with.
