Barrybran

[Barrybran]

I just got home from work and my wife angrily said a few things to me. She says she isn't going to be "pushed" out of her own home because I "left the marriage" over a year ago. I sat and listened, validated where I could and kept my responses to a minimum. She says her friends told her to pack up my things and just throw it outside. I refrained from saying anything to this. I may have to go to the police station tomorrow to find out what I can do if it comes to that or her taking off with the kids. She said she wasn't vindictive and that she has chosen not to thrown my things out several times.

The overriding thought was that it was a lot of spew, a lot of writing of her own history (I didn't leave the marriage though I understand her perception that I did) and that she is choosing this course of action. I sent my message to her this morning and reiterated to her this afternoon that separation and separate houses are her choices.

I will say this though. Removing me from the situation, if someone asked me who should move out in a relationship where someone cheated, I'd say the unfaithful one should go. It's what I feel is the "right" thing to do. Having this feeling, I feel that I should be the one to go when, and only when, an agreement can be reached on certain matters, such as the kids.

I'd like to know if anyone here can point me to a thread where someone stood their ground to the point of alienating their spouse. I'd like to get some insight on the feelings and actions other people took and the outcomes they reached. I feel calm right now and deeply confused. I feel that my wife is right and at the same time, I feel that I am choosing love (before anyone jumps, I'm talking down the track) while my wife is choosing to try and bully me out the door.

Something Mach said jumped out at me today... should I forever pay for my past mistakes and that answer is a resounding no. I feel somewhat enlightened even though my wife is very closed. I wish my wife would look at the bigger picture, whether we wind up back together or not, and think about whether she'll still be punishing me for this at age 40, 50, 60. I honestly don't think she will be. She'll remember what happened though the punishment, like my misdeeds, will be long dead. I know that is not going to happen nor is it something I should worry about.