Life in a mess 2

[Grocerykartman]

I took the boys into the maze for a treasure hunt which they absolutely loved and we spent nearly an hour doing it, meanwhile she lay in the sun and declined the chance to join us.
Then I took them to crazy golf for over an hour, she did the same thing,lay in the sun.
I just found it strange that she would choose to miss out on those activities considering it was supposed to be about spending time as much as possible doing fun things with our boys.
I have raised this with her and for the first time she seemed to really accept what I was saying and has said it was wrong for her to do it..

I went through a very similar circumstance the summer before my WAW moved out. Just reading this brought back some uncomfortable but important memories. I remember going to the beach one weekend and spending probably a couple hours with my 2.5 year old daughter at the time in the water and playing in the sand, and my ex wanted to do nothing but sit in the sun and be indifferent to everything. (I suppose that's what one does anyway at the beach, but I digress)

Not long after that, we spent time taking my daughter blueberry picking for the first time and it was another distant experience.

So yes, the intuitive thing to think seems to be "wow, I get that she's not wanting to be around ME now, but I just can't believe that she doesn't want to do things with her child." That's what I thought then too. But that's the reality of it.

I don't know if the WAW still agrees to do activities like this just because she feels guilty not being there in body even if not in mind, or maybe she actually is hoping that SOMETHING, ANYTHING will happen to make her want to change her mind about wanting to leave the marriage, or maybe they just feel they have no choice but to attend, or what. I won't pretend to know.

But, I think you can be darn sure that things like mini golf and kids mazes are not going to be enjoyable for someone who wants out of a marriage. It's another form of pressure and guilt. My guess is that these things probably seem either really boring and trivial compared to the anguish she has going on her head, or she may be afraid that getting close to the boys will keep her tied to you tighter when she wants to run. Again, I don't really know (being just a clueless dude and all) but that's my guess.

My WAW did ultimately snap out of the aloofness, and hopefully yours will too. But expect this to continue for a while. Make the best of it.

I don't want to control her, I have no clue what she does when she isn't in my company, but I think it's sad that she is missing out on some lovely times with the boys and I worry that she doesn't realise it and it might be too late when she does.
.

That's for her to figure out on her own.