Dodged a bullet today. H wanted to have OW relative around my kids. I told him no and he asked why - I waited to gain myself and said bc that is his life and I will not have it around my kids.
If you have not read my thread he is MLC, wanting a divorce but has not filed, living in same house but different rooms, we are basically roommates. Oh yeah - has not admitted to EA and PA - they are just friends.
H brought up the relative thing last night, and I kept the kids busy today. H went with us saying he did not know if he wanted to go - but decided the last minute to go (this is a pattern with him since this whole nightmare.) Today I was mad and just wanted to kick his butt, but I played nice. We had lots of small talk. H is not going to OW house as much last week - I wonder why.
Did anyone hire a private investigator? I already know it is a EA and PA. But I am wondering what kind of evidence I would get to make it a slam dunk there is an affair. H could lose job because of affair, at that point I could attack H and OW legally for emotional distress and finances.
Thanks. I am having a hard time. I go through moments where I am ok, and the other moments where I am pissed and want to crucify H and OW. How sad is that? I wonder if anyone else has such extreme feelings as me? I am all over the place.
Thankfully, I have never acted on impulse. I think things our forever before I make a decision. Has always drove my H nuts. But I don't like to have regrets. H has always been impulsive.
I always need advice. I have not learned to completely detach, and things upset me. I cannot seem to get off the roller coaster ride and watch from afar. I also have a hard time distancing myself. Although, from what I can tell H has detached from me. He is very much into OW, that he does not notice anything else. I am stronger than I was a few months ago, but still need to get stronger. I think of filing, getting him in trouble, and then reconilliatoion. It is crazy how the mind circles. What did you do to calm your mind and ground yourself?
Thanks. I am having a hard time. I go through moments where I am ok, and the other moments where I am pissed and want to crucify H and OW. How sad is that? I wonder if anyone else has such extreme feelings as me?
Wonka - did you end up reconciling?
We all experience very, very raw emotions in the beginning stages and want to HURT
Computer had a mind of its own....grrrr...continuing with my response
We all experience very, very raw emotions in the beginning stages of our sitches and want to HURT the OW/OM because we blame them for disrupting our marriages, lives, and families. Here's the thing: our spouses are also to blame for the mess too! The key is controlling your emotions and reactions. Your head really needs to be in charge otherwise your ego can really do you harm by egging you on negative actions.
Thanks so much for your responses. It would be cool if GAL and detachment was as easy as saying the words. I continue to try and do see changes in me from the beginning.
I continue to try and do see changes in me from the beginning.