Working on myself

[melissag]

Mic, do you communicate with your H at all? If you do, please make sure it is all in writing. For example, if the nursing conversation was a verbal one, I would send an email requesting that you be allowed to nurse your son. It has to be completely devoid of any emotion, accusation, etc. Stick only to that one item. If he says "no," print it out and add it to your pile for the CFI. I would do the same (one at a time, though) with the request to try to work out an agreement between the two of you with the help of a counselor. Make sure you are always focused on (and mention) the kids, and that you want to make the kids a priority. (i.e., we need to set aside our own personal stuff for the benefit of the kids.) Either he will start to behave better or he will hang himself. But you make sure you are doing everything you can.

This whole thing is so frustrating - I know. My H is crazy but I don't think even as crazy as yours. Still, I can empathize to some extent. He thought he would be so happy and he is SO sure that his life will be so wonderful and terrific if he could just get away from me . . . so why the hell is he tormenting me like this? Why doesn't he just get it done and go live his wonderful life? Ugh. Your H seems to be doing the same thing.

As far as church, or whatever else he does on his parenting time, as long as it is not dangerous, STFU about it.

I am disturbed by this whole thing, as I have read and heard in multiple places that kids under age 2 should not be having overnights with a noncustodial parent - they need to have one home with frequent visits from the other parent.

So you are currently on a 4/3 parenting plan, right? He gets them 3 nights a week, you get them 4. What is the problem with that? Who wants it changed? Why? Is it worth a battle for you? Why is he asking for sole custody? Why are you asking for sole custody? Sole custody is pretty sh!tty for kids - they need both of you in their lives. Why did the court order the investigation? If it is because you cannot agree on parenting time, then you can stop that investigation by coming to an agreement.

I am glad you have great attorneys. I am just sorry you will have to waste so much money using them because your H is such a pain in the ass. I am right there with you - just watching tens of thousands of dollars go down the drain. It's nauseating.

By the way, it sounds like you had a crappy mediator. Does your H have an attorney? If so, I am disappointed in his attorney as well. Why have neither of these two people told your H how it is? He can complain all he wants and kick and scream, but he is going to pay child support. It is what it is! Why has nobody set him straight on this stuff?