Asked him about family counseling to help the kids work through the divorce. His response. You are the unstable one. They are happy and will have no issues.
You cannot force H to do something he doesn't want to do. Instead, you can take the kids for family counseling with you. I hope you've asked around for recommendations on a good family counselor or child psychologist with experience in divorce.
For many WASes, they need to demonize you in order to justify their warped reasons for leaving the M. Why else would they leave a great spouse and family?! Right. They are very self-absorbed at this stage and try to miminmize or discount (and deflect) the damage on their kids by saying they'll be happier! Their logic is out of whack for sure.
We have been doing where he has we'd, thur and every other weekend.
Is this schedule still going on? How's that working out for everyone so far?
Anyway after mediation he did not like the way it looked. I had 4 pages of stuff to get written I. The parenting agreement going out 18 years.
Can you please expand on this a bit more so we can understand this better? It is hard for me and others to comment here without knowing the details of your proposed parenting schedule.
Since he did not get what he wanted he revoked my privilege to nurse my son on his days.
This is H being a bully right there. It needs to stop. I'd have my L on H's ass about this right away! He cannot prevent your son's access to natural foods from the mother.
I have no idea how to have a rational discussion with him.
You can't or don't at all. The WASes are too angry and controlling that they are not able to see clearly that the best path forward is mutual cooperation for their kid's best interests. They're all caught up in negative emotions that it spills over into other areas. Which is all the more important to hand over all those types of discussions to your L as they are the neutral party in negotiations with H and will protect you financially, emotionally, and mentally. I'd stop having any of these discussions with H and simply turn them over to your L.
He got so irrational in mediation that the social worker made him leave and was worried for my safety.
This is a bit concerning to read here. H is cearly feeling the loss of control and he's reacting in a negative fashion to re-assert himself. The only problem with this approach is he's shooting himself in the foot.
He is refusing to do counseling.
This is typical response from many WASes. You cannot control this part. Let it go.
Refused to go back to mediation.
His choice.
He is a head political figure in our small city and I feel the fallout may be very harmful to the kids and it does not allow me to ever move forward in my life. I want my children to see their dad. I talk him up and want him to have a relationship with him but I feel I can't negotiate when there is no cooperation. Am I missing something?
You cannot always protect your family from H's poor choices. Life will take care of the consequence, not you. You cannot show or teach him the consequences of his choices. Life will teach him all of that. Let the chips fall where they may and let H see/experience them for himself.
You can try your darnest to facilitate the R between their children and their Dad, but it is not your job. It is on H to determine this. It [censored]...I nkow. The kids will figure out which one of the parents is more reliable than the other. Trust the process and rely on your L to guide you through this legal game of Twister.
We are in the process of making child support and maintenance court ordered. It appears he has recklessly spend multiple thousands after our financial restraining order is in place.
Do you have some legal conditions in place that are enforceable if H breaks the order? In other words, is there some "teeth" in the enforcement aspect?
